Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Survive the apocalypse before and after!
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vladimirKruscecev --UNmarine777 19:35, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Alright so I can see you've made a descent attempt at this article, whist the humor needs a hell of a lot of work, you have the basics written out, so at least we have something to work with. Now I will go through it in depth.
Introduction - You have produced little to no humor here, you have introduced your article, but it isn't funny and it needs to be to keep your readers interested. Instead of just writing
"Have you ever wondered when will it be the end of the world and how to get prepared to survive it? Well you've come to the right place. For now!!"
Blankly on its own, try and relate yourself to the reader to some extent, or make it appealing to them things like "Tired of Zombies eating your brains? Not fast enough with a machine gun" are good ways to relate to the reader and make him feel included. It's also humorous and can build out an entire paragraph for your introduction. A quote up top wouldn't be such a bad idea either.
Day 1 - Not bad at all what you have here, you use a flattish tone throughout including the bits about Zombies and death. The consistent flat tone here is actually pretty damn funny. But you need to expand on this point as a believe its far too brief to get a heap of laughs out of it. Try giving a detailed outline of a typical day, before the end of everything begins. It will create suspense and provide a strong foundation for the remainder of your article.
Prepareness - I'm not even sure thats a word, lol. But ok, you have a rather hideous list on your article and its draining your humor score. Lists aren't funny unless its supposed to be a list, this should not be in a list like format. If you absolutely feel the need to have a list keep it brief, it doesn't have to be long and extensive, just get straight to the point. Also I think each one could stand for a brief humorous summary just a though of mine.
Things to worry about - Alright, about that grue reference kill it with fire, its not funny stick to what the article is supposed to e about and keep it believable so some extent. But this section needs work. Each point should not only list the danger, but include:
This will keep the reader entertained whilst expanding your article!
occupations in the future - I don't think this section is a good. Idea write an after math section and try merging it with the last section Conclusion as they are basically covering the same sort of thing. The conclusion should cover what you need to do once the conflict is over.
|Concept:||4||I sense the concept is there, it just isn't developed properly at this point. The article is way too brief in some aspectsm and not detailed enough to show a brilliant concept. Adding detail and depth to your article will make your concept excellent and help the humor as well. I firmly believe a good concept will equal good humor (usually), so it stands to benefit you enormously if you can add some detail. As I've said before avoid being general in this kind of article. HowTos need detail to understand and and to be funny!|
|Prose and formatting:||4||Alright I don't approve of these giant lists you have throughout your entire article. You should format then into dot points with a sentence explanation relating to each point. You should bold important information for your reader, as well as any other important information.
Next is your use of links, the links you have contain too much red. They should be mostly if not all blue links, its attractive to your articles readers. Try and be consistant with them and dont over do it here, it can be just as bad.
Thridly you should try and re-format it so that the images align with the text, it look really ugly unless you don't. If that means changing the image size then do it, if it fixes up when you add more content than good. But this seriously needs fixing.
Lastly, proofread. Use proper grammar convensions and spelling, its riddled with typos
|Images:||6||Your image choices are generally well picked, as the theme of total destruction can be anything as long as it includes destruction of everying (including mutant peanuts!) My main concern aside from the questionable formatting of them in your article and general inconsistant use of them, as that some of them aren't of good quality. The mutant peanut looks very crudely done for example. Go to here if you want to try and get higher quality images.
Lastly get rid of the Chuck Norris image, it isn't funny nor is he.
|Miscellaneous:||4.5||Overall rating out of 10|
|Final Score:||23.5||Again sorry to be harh, but this isn't done yet. I can sense a great deal of potential in this article, it mainly needs formatting help, a good proofread and a great deal of expansion. I hope this review gets you going in the right direction!|