Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Survive the Titanic
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Rescued this little fella from the ICU. I don't think I was able to use anything from the original version, but it's still technically a rewrite. --—John Lydon 19:51, June 9, 2010 (UTC) —John Lydon 19:51, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Incredibly coherent writing! I'll break this one down like I break down a big fat slice of chocolate fudge brownie:
1: Introduction: possibly the most appropriate approach for an absurd article like this is in fact in medias res. Right in the middle of the action. Beautiful. 10/10
2: step one, panic: all very coherent and nicely written, no comments here.
Step two: the only problem in my opinion is the bit about rape. I think you should leave it with "fondle at will" without considering the repercussions (why should the "instructor/writer" care about this when he doesn't really seem to care about the actual person he's addressing?)
Step three: Life boat. Brilliant solution, when you don't know how to get to something, don't explain it. Pure class! I would suggest rethinking the whole *ahem* bit though... the writer had no problem referring to it as looting and pillaging in step two.
step four: nice jokes here, flows well, but slightly fading in humor content in my opinion.
3: Getting rescued. Lube joke absolutely spot on! I'm not sure you should have mentioned Bubba and 'extra-dry' there, I think the whole thing should be left implied, which is a whole lot funnier. Deny, deny,
4: the end is slightly anti-climax here, but it does fit the piece.
I'd say, humour-wise, the first half of the article is absolutely brilliant, and way better than the second half. So if there is something to work on, it's that. Still, very very good piece altogether.
|Concept:||9||The idea for this HowTo might not have been yours, but after having revisited the older version I can safely say there's a world of difference. The first writer probably didn't know how good his idea was. Or maybe it's the way you wrote it which made escaping the sinking Titanic guide a titanic concept.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||It's not what so much what you said, it's how you said it. The instructor guy you created has depth, he has character. There are those few points I talked about in the humour section that make the character very slightly contradictory in my opinion, but overall brilliant.|
|Images:||7||The images and descriptions are great! Maybe one more towards the end would help make that part a bit more humorous.|
|Final Score:||40||The only problem to me is the difference in humour content between the start and the end, it seems to flow from really really funny to really funny. But it's still really funny altogether.|
|Reviewer:||--SonOfPhyllis 23:26, June 9, 2010 (UTC)|