Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Replace bread with something else (2nd review)

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edit HowTo:Replace bread with something else

I improved this article so I want to know where it stands now. Thanks. --Xamralco 15:54, July 10, 2011 (UTC) I'll get this done in a day or two--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 00:24, July 11, 2011 (UTC)

I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and I received an award Author of the Month Award and two features. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.
Concept: 8 Personally, I think the concept of this article is brilliant. I love what what you're trying to do here; replacing bread with other things is very clever. Love how you executed the concept. However, while I enjoy the article overall, there are some things that I like to go over. Not too many, but enough for you to improve your article. First thing is that I think the article is lacking some things. This includes the following: reasons why people are replacing bread with something else; how it effect people's health; the critical response to this trend; and why people should replace bread with something else. See what I'm getting at? I'll explain more on how to improve the article in the humor and image sections, but concept wise it's brilliant.
Prose and Formatting: 10 I using my iPhone to do this review, so I can't spellcheck your article, but after reading it I think every thing checks out.
Humo(u)r: 7 Humor is pretty good, just a few things that could be expanded. For example, the "Replacing Bread with Something Else in Three Easy Steps" would probally be better if you expanded it dome. You should also go in-depth with the process of making a sandwich to expand the joke. The "Edit What Not to Replace Bread With" section was a bit iffy. First, the bread thing was kinda meh do to the fact that you include white bread. Problem is alot of bread if white bread. You should take that out to make the joke better. You should also put in different firms of bread, like crusants (sorry if I misspelled that) or something like that. The liquid and gases part is ok, but it would be funny to mention that both are just physically impossible. Though I think you should put mercury for liquids (it's a metal that is a liquid in room temperature) and even though it's denser than most liquids (literally, you can sit in it and barely sink) it would be an unpleasant night for you (since mercury is also poisoness). Just an idea, but it could work. And the toast part should either be removed or put with the bread part ad you technically told that joke with the other bread part. The Mcbread part was my least favorite part, mainly do to the fact that you completely contradicted yourself about not using anything with the word bread in it in the previous section. Perhaps if you put it in a section called "counter to the replacing bread fad" or something like that it could work. And I think the how to make A Mcbread part should go since this is about Replacing bread with something else, don't you think? You also forgot about hotdogs. That could definitely work.
Images: 7 Very nice pictures. The first one was clever; I had a good laugh with that one. The second image is fine, not really my favorite, but it works. The third image made me hungry. Though I would rather put it with the "what to replace bread with" section with a better caption and put less tasteful one in it's place on the " what not to replace with" section. The last one was a bit iffy. I think a caption praising a food that was a complete disaster does not work out, so I would come up with a better one. You may keep the image, but it's personally not my favorite but I guess it can work. Besides, it was a disaster, so might as well make it look like it.

I think one or two more images would work out, but I think you're good on this section, just needs a little tweaking that's all.

Miscellaneous: 8 My overall grade of this article. It can replace bread as well. Lol.
Final Score: 40 Ok, so maybe I said more than a little, but it's enough to make this review in-depth and enough to improve the article. Feel free to ask me anything on my talk page. Cheers!
Reviewer: --Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 17:48, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
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