Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Purchase Porn

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edit HowTo:Purchase Porn

I think I have gone backeards in my writing ability. Let's find out!

TheGreenOne 19:38, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 6 it's really quite good so far! but as a whole the article needs a bit of work. your only really going wrong with some of your technical acuracy (which i can correct for you if you'd like). although really think you whent over board with the sensoring tag. it's ok the first two times you use it for "RACIAL EXPLETIVE" but then it get's kind of confusing when you use it here:

I know that'll annoy [the] bible belt [Citizens] Did he just say that? who would prefer a 70-year old conservative

i think you were trying to make the censored bit input from an audiance member but it wasn't immediatly clear and it's best to just get rid of it. and censoring ""newsagent"" was kinda redundunt. it's in inverted commas to show the sarcasm theres no need to hide it. it was mostly little things like that that kinda got in the way of the laughs and i don't want to go through them all as i'm far to lazy that may seem patronising. i really think there is more you could do with this concept though, the article feels a little short. i'd like to do a section towards the bottom called "the brittish way" as i think it'd be good to expand into other cultures and not just the political devide in america, although that is a good idea. other areas you could try and expand into would be child porn (as you do have the template warning of offence and i wasn't even slightly offended) and internet pornography (do this definitly, and do it at the very end as it compleatly undermines the whole point of the article.)

Concept: 9 i am really jealous of this concept. it was an idea i had but i just presumed someone had already done it and never got round to checking. so yes i love the concept. and also it's something that everyone needs (although not so much now with the advent of the internet) there is pleanty of room for satire.
Prose and formatting: 5 yes i mentioned this earlier, and it was a real problem. not so much spelling but you had some messy sentence structure and it didn't always flow as nicly as it could have. things like: "buy a porno for yourself, your lady friend or even your identical twin sister!" were too long winded, with this example cut tsraight to the chase and say "buy a porno for your 'twin'". i recomend that you read it outloud to yoursslf once or twice to cath the mistakes you've made and make it a bit more streamlined. also its a how to article and so needs the how to template put this in place of the "censored" template or "offence" one as too many will clutter the place up.
Images: 9 fantastic images! really i've always suspected inspector gadget was a sex-mad republican, it was always the coat too! and the man/doll in the trench coat and had was funny with just the right amount of sinister. and the sock (or lack of) worked nicly.
Miscellaneous: 7.25 (avrgd)
Final Score: 36.25 yeah. like i said it's got some really good ideas and is a brilliant concept. but it needs alot of prose work and could defininatly use some expansion. also i know i bitched about your spelling and mine is no doubt awfull but please forgive me it's late. also sory it took so long to give you this review i firgit i was writing it. if you wanna review this review please go to my talk page and make me feel worthless there.
Reviewer: --orian57 23:03, 17 April 2008 (UTC)
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