Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Pick Up a Nymphomaniac
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|Humour:||6||Hmm. Tis not bad, but not in the same class as some of your other stuff... I did not break a giggle reading it (I laughed out loud reading your last article). Well, it said it was going to tell me how to spot one, but then it kinda did not really... "When I come home from a date, if I can take my panties off and throw them against the wall and they are still sticking there in the morning, I know I had a good time." is an old line. Funny, but it's been done before.
That's a good boy... Well if you are going to be patronising you need to be consistent all the way through?
In places it's subtle, but in others it's not. Do it one way or the other. Subtle is usually best as you know.
|Concept:||8||It's got potential, and can be a lot better. Here's what I suggest...
OK, it's being written from the point of view of the author being a nympho right? So... I think the article should build up with the author progressively making more and more obvious sexual advances. Something I'm sure you will have no problem with. HeHe. Anyway. Subtle at first, maybe just mentioning that the reader looks rather nice with their hair like that, then ask them if that's their car in the parking lot? Oh, that's a nice one... Then something like... "My room is just upstairs you know"... and then something totally obvious. Drop the hints. Then when the reader finally fails to notice that they could have scored with the author say something like, "oh I give up" you must be gay or something, and have the author rubbing themselves against the nearest lamppost in an effort to gain sexual gratification. Maybe not quite how I'm suggesting, but you get the idea... It's a test to see if the reader can spot the nympho... Maybe when the reader totally fails to get the idea the author just asks him if he has any batteries?
I would probably loose the last section as it will not fit if you follow my suggestion.
|Prose and formatting:||7||First impression was... WTF? Why is that pic on the left. I'm not a fan of that, move it to the right. Oh, I did. It's sometimes better to show rather than try to explain I guess... For "When people are talking do it like this". Looks better eh? Well, that's what I do anyway... For the dialogue, I think this would work best if you have the headings as the reader asking questions, and the rest as the author. Goldfish is a great example of this style being used, and I think it would work well here. As it is, it's not obvious who is asking what. An alternative might be to use different coloured text, but I think you can reformat this to the way I suggest.
I think you skip a bit between first person and not... I would do it all in-terms of them actually being there, and effectively going on a date together. Rather than "Your attention on the dancefloor should always especially be drawn to any particularly attractive, slim, animated female, surrounded by a group of admirers and obviously the life of the party. Certainly not someone who was approachable by the" it should be "Let's go over to the dance floor. Do you see any particularly attractive, slim, animated females..." You get the idea. Either way, do it one way or the other.
|Images:||6.5||The pics were OK, but more accompanied the text rather than actually adding to it. 250px is probably as big as you ever want to go. More than that and it looks pants. To be honest, the pics were kinda dull. Captions were "OK" but again more an accompaniment rather than much more. How about some progressively more and more obvious pics? Start with something reserved, and work your way up to a girl doing... Um, I'm sure you can come up with something (so to speak)...|
|Final Score:||34.4||Basically I'm recommending that you totally restructure this. Have the opening paragraph as an outline, and then use headings for the reader, and the text for the author. Stuff like "So that's it. All they say is "How are you doing? How the hell is this supposed to help me? How do I even spot a Nympho???" should be reworked into a header.
I think this has the potential to be really good, but right now it's just not cutting it. It started OK, but got kinda dull later on and the ending was disappointing. Not like my sexual performances you understand. They don't even start well... Anyway. It's past 5:30am here, so I'm off to bed. Yes seriously, it really is that late. Catch ya on IRC...
|Reviewer:||MrN 05:37, Mar 13|