Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Not Die
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I know this article isn't great, but I would like for it to be reviewed, and then maybe I could make it funnier. So yeah. Thanks.
G man yo 14:42, 6 April 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||A score of 5 is just that--middlin'. There weren't any laugh-out-loud moments or memorable jokes, but there wasn't anything trite or groan-worthy either. It just lacked funny. Some things to remember:
|Concept:||6||I like the concept of explaining to someone how to not die. There are a lot of directions you could go with this. You could make it a painfully obvious guide for idiots (don't stick your face in a blender). You could go emo and conclude that it's not worth not dying. You could work the article into secretly being an advertisement for the aging cream you mentioned. It's a good idea, but it doesn't have direction yet. It's basically just a list of dissociated ways to prolong your life, which is fine if all the dissociated ways are really funny, but, well, they aren't.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||You get points for spelling and using proper grammar. My chief complaint is that it's kind of structured like a grade-school essay, with a beginning and an ending (both of which need to be reworded or fleshed out), and a middle somewhere between them. Please, do expand your paragraphs past more than a few sentences, and drop cliches like "you've come to the right place". Also, it's not very wikified. Add some more internal links (and images!) it it will look more like a wiki article. Also also, you started a list (Tip#1) but never finished it. It really makes the article look half-baked.|
|Images:||0||You need pitcherz. Simple is that. Draw or shop some aging cream (or get someone to do it for you at Image Request). Show someone not being alive (but not in a shock sort of way) or performing some other suggestions. Something to break up the monotony of text, y'know.|
|Miscellaneous:||4||Averaged. I'll use this section to say that you link to "HowTo:Live forever", which was deleted on VFD for being too short and random. Your article isn't random or too short, but I just thought I'd mention that.|
|Final Score:||20||This seems to be your first article here, so I recommend you read HTBFANJS for a good primer. Seriously, this is like the Bible of Uncyclopedia. The admins stand on the streets and read passages of it to passersby every Sunday morning.
Despite the low score, this article isn't bad. It just needs some kicking into shape. I look forward to seeing it finished.
|Reviewer:||--18:59, 7 April 2008 (UTC)|