Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Nail a glass to a wall
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CrazyChopper 17:43, January 5, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||3||Okay, I’m going to combine the prose and format section with this one. The reason being, the biggest hindrance you have to your humor is the brevity of the article. I did get a few chuckles out of this, but the length of this article is so short, the reader really doesn’t have much time to enjoy it.
The bright side is that there are quite a few spots where you can easily expand in a humorous way. I figured the easiest way to show you the holes would be to break it down by section, so that’s what I’ll do.
Section 1 – Intro
Okay, this is probably the weakest part of the whole article. For starters, it’s only two sentences long. Secondly, it really doesn’t tell the reader much of anything. Look at the intro of this article. Now, it could easily be summed up by saying something like, “Want to date an Emo Chick? Well I’ll show you how!” Instead the author chose to expand on the idea. He took the time to explain to the reader some of the difficulties they might face when attempting to date an Emo girl and why they would want to date an Emo girl. You can apply the exact same principles to your intro. Tell the reader some difficulties they might face when attempting to nail glass to a wall. Aside from the obvious one of the glass breaking, maybe something a little less obvious can be mined from your imagination. Then take some time to explain why someone would want to nail glass to a wall. Aside from winning seventy bucks, maybe it’s fashionable at the moment. Maybe it will add extra sunlight to any room. Maybe it’s Fung Shui (or whatever that thing is.) At any rate, take a little time to lay it all out for the reader.
Okay, you have all these as Subsections, but they should actually be sections. That’s a quick and easy fix, so I won’t harp on it. In this step, you list the tools that would be needed for the job. That’s fine, but you should expand on why the reader will need these tools. Think of a How To article as an infomercial. Infomercials are infamous for spelling out the obvious. For instance, I saw one recently for a thing that goes in your shower and is like a foot scrubber. They could have easily said, “Buy this, it cleans your feet.” Instead, they went on for 15 minutes on why I needed this. Same scenario here. Sure, you can say, “Get a hammer, you’ll need it.” (By the way, you spelled hammer wrong.) But it will fit the How To style much better to go into a little detail. Look at this article (which is a lot like yours. I’m not sure if that’s coincidence or intentional.) The author takes the time to expand on each item by explaining where and how to acquire each item. You could go that route, or you could say why that object is the best choice for the job, or whatever you can come up with on your own. Whatever decision you come to, this section should be at least 3 or 4 paragraphs in length.
Section 3 – Step Two
I think you’re jumping a little ahead with this section. By going directly to holding the hammer, you’re cutting out a huge opportunity for some humor. For instance, prepping the wall. Maybe some special precautions have to be taken. Maybe safety glasses are required. Maybe there’s a special incantation that must be recited. I don’t know. Whatever the case, there is definite room for expansion here. Holding the hammer should not be a section all of itself, but rather a portion of another section. Maybe include the proper hammer holding technique in the third section.
Section 4 – Step Three
Okay, I’ll give credit here because you tried to expand on an idea. However, I’m taking points off because you expanded by telling the reader an entirely different story. My suggestion for this section would be to completely remove the tetanus story. It’s okay, but not nearly funny enough to justify its inclusion. I think this would be a good spot to throw in the hammer holding technique we talked about in section 3. Remember; don’t be afraid to go into detail. Maybe the correct nail holding technique requires the nail to be held at a 31 degree angle from the floor. Maybe the hammer swing requires you to have exactly 6 inches of space between your front and back foot. I have no idea, but this is a good area to let your imagination run wild.
Section 5 – Step Four
The final section, of the conclusion, should be just that; a conclusion. Wrap everything up in a neat little bow for the reader. One sure fire way to get some humor out of the conclusion in a How To article is to explain how undesired results are not the authors fault. Something like, “If your glass breaks, it’s probably because you held the nail at a 30 degree angle instead of 31 degrees.” Things like that are always good for some humor. Make sure you explain what the desired result would be as well. Maybe tell the reader to enjoy the extra ambiance there freshly nailed glass provides or something like that.
|Concept:||3||While I find the concept funny, it has been done before. Here. Recently. While I’m not sure if you were unaware of this article’s existence, or if you’re just writing your piece as an homage, the fact of the matter is your going to be fighting an uphill battle with your article. That’s not to say it’s a bad idea, it’s just that you’ll need to make sure that you bring some fresh ideas to the table.|
|Prose and formatting:||2||See Humor Section|
|Images:||2||This area really needs some work. I would have liked to have seen a picture of glass successfully nailed to a wall in some grandiose fashion. Also, a few images showing the correct and incorrect ways to do things would help out as well. I would venture to guess that if you decide to expand the article, you’ll probably need 3 to 4 images to keep it from looking bare. It looks like you’re a fairly new user (not judging or anything) so I’ll give you a tip. If you have an idea for an image but can’t find it, and lack the skills to make it (like me), RadicalX’s Corner is an excellent place to go and request any image you can imagine. Just tell them want you want and they’ll poof it out of thin air or something.|
|Final Score:||12.5||I really think the article has potential if you expand on the basic idea you currently have. I really think you might run into a bit of trouble when people start comparing your article to that other one, but there’s nothing you can do about that. My overall advice would be to focus on expanding your article with some creative new ideas and let it speak for itself. If you need more clarification on anything, or just want to tell me I’m a moron, my talk page can be found here.|
|Reviewer:||--—John Lydon 15:31, January 6, 2011 (UTC)|