Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Masturbate Furiously With Knives
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I'm really not sure where to begin with this. I've never heard of masturbating with knives, or if it's even a thing, and I guess that's the point: who would read this? Parody is only funny if you understand the real thing. Doing an article on masturbation would be fine, but this article fails to be funny because it's so random. You could have focused on the dangers of using knives to masturbate and have a "devil may care" attitude about sharp objects near your johnson. Instead you focused on satanism and warm milk. Then you gave into internet jokes and had a section on achievements.
This is a How To guide, so you must be somewhat serious about it. Just like HTBFANJS says, be serious about silly things, or silly about serious things. Don't be silly about silly things; that's the reason why clowns are only funny if they're getting hurt-there needs to be some contrast.
I think the best thing to do is scrap the article and focus on something people will get a reaction from. At this point it feels like you're just doing shock humor.