Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Make Yourself Feel Good

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edit HowTo:Make Yourself Feel Good

Bwi2
16:44, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 2.1 Hi again. I've gotta piss, so I'm going to do it on your article. Lets get going.

Ok, so, there is a lot wrong with this article. Firstly, there's no text whatsoever. You need to fix this right away. Uncyclopedia is not supposed to be a picture book. It's supposed to be an encyclopedia parody. Your article doesn't have any meat to it at all. All you've got is eight pictures one after the other with a semi-amusing caption. Not only does this have no text, it's one big list. And NOBODY likes lists. Seriously, they get huffed so much, I don't even know why they include them in wiki formatting.

But never fear. You can easily (well, maybe not easily) rectify this dire situation. To give your article "...a body to go with its soul.", you need to add a paragraph or two that corresponds with each picture. For example, you need to explain why learning to levitate will make you feel better. Not only will it make sense, but it'll give you an opportunity to make the article funnier, and add a few one-liners in there. If you make a paragaph for each picture, you immediately have eight paragraphs and the length of your article becomes respectable.

If you don't do this, people just won't get the whole yoga thing...or the PB thing...or the Clouseau thing. Or any of the pictures.

As it stands, this article is not very funny. Some of the captions and pictures don't even make sense, and if it stays in its current state, you can bet it'll be turfed to VFD or worse, QVFD.

Concept: 9.4 The concept is fantastic and really lends itself to some great ideas and jokes. It's just the execution that is poor. If you and others can build on the concept, it could certainly become a featured article. Don't give up on this concept. You just need to have another crack at it, this time with some substantial text.
Prose and formatting: 3.0 It's hard to judge this, because you have no text at all. You seem to use the picture template rather effectively, but that won't save you from a poor mark for formatting. I can't stress how much you need text with your article. You've also lost substantial points because the article is just formatted into one big list. As I said, use paragraphs to go with the pictures, and you'll get a much better score.
Images: 3.4 I guess that the images you used were relevant to your captions but, to be honest, they're not that funny at all. Clouseau, cappucinoes, high pants? They just don't really make sense, and they don't really lend themselves to jokes easily. Try picking different pictures, or, AGAIN, accompany your pictures with text so that you can justify why you've put them there!
Miscellaneous: 4.5 Your average score. I'm sorry it couldn't be higher.
Final Score: 22.4 Please don't take the criticisms personally. I know it can be tough for your work to be criticised, but an article like this does really need a lot of work for it to be acceptable. To re-iterate: no lists, less random pictures and TEXT, TEXT, TEXT! Good luck.
Reviewer: --Username18 09:57, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
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