Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Make Breakfast Dew (For Women)
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This is one of my better articles...dont hold back :)05:23, June 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Fantastic. I'll see what I can do to make the review as in-depth, but it seems you've nailed this one on its mark. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 01:20, June 29, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||9||Pretty swell job with this article. I found the humour pleasant and amusing. You use of short sentences is a nice touch and you really convey the feeling of the article very well. One suggestion is to expand on the cat, like haveing an extra part that is like, "Follow the meowing cat to it's bowl. Bend over to fetch the cat's food while listening to the sound of aging bones crack in your legs. Fill cat's bowl up. Make sure water bowl is full. Watch cat walk away without touching food and see it fall asleep on your bed. Curse the cat. Walk away before you get violent with the feline that meowed the hell out of you to get food and then goes to sleep. Breath, keep breathing." Or something like that.
The subtraction of points is mainly attributed to the format of the article, which is probably its weakest point, which is good. The article is just a little bunched up right now and the STEP paragraphs are pretty short, but I suggest some steps you can take below. It's not a crisis, so if you can manage to do anything with the format, that should be good enough. Aside that from that, I actually found myself laughing at this article. Very good job, a very good job.
|Concept:||8.5||I liked this concept and it was executed pretty well, if I may say so. Most of the critiques are in their designated areas so just look for them there. Not much to say in concept, you did a good job with a unique topic.|
|Prose and formatting:||6.5||You had some grammar and spelling issues. I fixed some, but I believe there are still some others, but you overall did a pretty good job. Use some more commas though, just because you end every sentence pretty quickly, doesn't mean most of them don't need a couple of commas.
Format wise, I felt like the article was a little bit scrambled. In my opinion, you should change all the STEPS into sub-titles, so as not to create that long list of STEP:# in the table of contents. Instead, just have a main topic like STEP 1 FOR RELAXATION or something like that, and then identify every other title with STEP # and have them as sub-titles. Also, maybe make the pictures a little bit smaller? I can't really tell you expand the STEPS unless you have some ideas to add on, so I guess just see what you can do to make the format a little less bunched up. Not much else to say here.
|Images:||8||Your image choice is fantastic. I do have a couple of suggestions though.
First, that main image in the beginning, of the garden. I feel like you should blow it up even bigger and place it in between STEP 1 and the introductory paragraphs, to emphasize the tranquility of nature.
Second, I would make the rest of the images a tad smaller as they kind of screw with the format. Just a suggestion with this one, though.
Third, I'm not sure about that cat picture. I feel like you should have a picture of a cat walking away from, I dunno, spilling the plates onto the ground and acting innocent? I feel like it'd make the reader connect with the woman better seeing an image of the cat breaking something and being like "What? Fuck off." Then, the 'disappearing' of the cat seems justified.
Aside from that, nothing much, good job here.
|Miscellaneous:||8.5||I liked it and I feel like others will like it too. Let me know whenever you're 100% done and I'll nominate it for you, I think it's that good already, but I like to give people some time.|
|Final Score:||40.5||Sorry it took me forever to do this. Busy week and my obligations on this site have been slipping my mind lately. Anyways, questions, comments, go on talk-page not, to contrary belief, attached to a severed horse head to be placed on my pillow. Waste of a good horse, that prank was.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 04:50, July 2, 2011 (UTC)|