Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Kill A Berserker
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If you don't like Gears of War , then don't bother reviewing--Iwillkillyou333 16:53, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
Ok, anybody can review, but pleaase no negative words like Gears of war sucks. And ou must have some knowledge of the Berserker. If you don't go to the gears of Wars wikia and type the name in.--Iwillkillyou333 22:19, 1 June 2009 (UTC) Hopefully Orian57 can review this--Iwillkillyou333 05:15, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||I’m really sorry but there was just so little here that could even be construed as amusing. This is down to your concept. But also prose. So see the relevant sections for advice on future articles.|
|Concept:||2||It’s gamecruft. There is absolutely no getting around this fact. I’ve played and thoroughly enjoyed Gears of War but this just wasn’t funny because it had no relation to anything.
You had no actual concept, no theme that ran through it or anything at all that bound it together other than constantly mentioning how hard to kill a berserker is. Which isn’t funny to someone who already knows (and, frankly disagrees) and not funny to those who couldn’t care less. What you appear to have done is told us how to actually kill one and then added in bits of fluff (listy fluff, mostly) and dropped names like the Jonas Brothers. This isn’t funny.
Concept tends to suggest that it has a central idea holding it together, or has recurring themes. It’s taken a real life thing and twisted it, or deliberately misunderstood something and kept going. Like with building tone (which I’m getting to) the only real way of learning concept is to read other peoples work. Take for example Cajek’s UnBooks:Uncyclopedia Brown and Wikipedia Brown solve the mystery of the missing smugglers and their hidden cave or something, it’s concept is that it appears to be being made up as it goes along, with recurring themes like Wiki Browns facts and Uncyc Brown correcting him.
Concept gives you something to hang jokes on, and without one you don’t have jokes you have randomness.
|Prose and formatting:||4||The prose was generally sub-par, riddled with awkward sounding language and blatant errors (I know I’m not one to talk but I do get someone to go though the spelling, try UU, or Gerry).
You’re main problem that is absolutely killing the humour is the tone. It doesn’t really have one, it’s basically just a list of “facts” (worse, a lot of it was actual facts that were necessary for anyone not familiar with the game to have even the faintest idea what you were talking about). Continuing from this your overall language and word choice were very bland, there was nothing interesting or humorous about it and it felt like a report from a really boring business. Unfortunately there’s very little advice I can actually give to instantly fix this other than read what other people write, look at what words they use and how they build up a tone. Try reading it using different words and see how that affects the humour and tone.
I know that quotes are optional but I can only really tolerate them if they’re exceptionally funny but even then find them slightly off putting (that is just opinion though).
You’ve also got a completely pointless list at the end. Lists are just bad they look ugly and almost always boring and repetitive. Just don’t do them.
|Images:||4||Yeah, I think it was basically a good idea to have a picture of the berserker, but it wasn’t particularly funny and neither was the caption. The second picture was reasonable because it lead on from the first.|
|Miscellaneous:||3||averaged score. I know you said in your request “if you don’t know what the berserker is then go look it up” but nobody should have to do research in order to find an article funny. You should make it accessible to as many people as possible.|
|Final Score:||15||Read and really read, HTBFANJS, seriously I still go back to it. I’m going to be honest here and let you know that I think you should just dump this article of QVFD, take my advice from here and apply it to something brand new.
I must know what that second picture is, it looks really, really familiar and I can’t think what it is.
If you’d like to thank/insult/ask me about anything please visit my talk page.
|Reviewer:||~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 06:52 5 June 2009|