Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Insulate your loft
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Special:Contributions/Lantash 23:18, July 7, 2012 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||The main problem with your article is that your jokes kind of fall flat and your sentences don't flow very well. WHat I mean by this is that you don't really have any punchlines in your article and any humour you do have is kind of simply plopped in front of the reader. Instead of having a waiter hand you your food with courtesy and majestic performances behind him, you kind of just throw the food into the reader's face and tell him to enjoy.
Let me give you an example: Q: How deep should the insulation be? A: 270mm is adequate. It is vital for safety that you fit no more than 380mm. Where is the joke in this? Where was I supposed to laugh?
Also, your list of things you will need is very flat. Aside from the alst thing on the list, nothing else was really funny. WHat you need to do is start off with reasonable items, and then jump into ridiculous items to bring like "nuts for the ravenous squirrels living in your attic," or "A knife to defend against the homicidal maniac living int he attic who murdered the last tenants and allowed you to get this house at an incredibly low price."
I also did not feel like your article tied together very well. You kind of jump everywhere. In the installation section, you make it seem like you're done talking, "Easy! Sit back and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Then, spend two hours trying to wash all that itchy fiberglass out of your hair," but you still have like half an article below it. You also kind of bring up AL Gore in the last section, and I feel that that deserves a separate paragraph or at least better transitioning. Maybe it's just me, but I feel that is a problem.
|Concept:||7||I like your concept. Just work on making it a bit funnier and you'll have a winner here.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Good prose, although I did notice some grammar mistakes, not many, but you might want to flush them out. ALso, I took points off for your lack of flow in the article, sorry.|
|Images:||7||Your images are ok, I felt some of them were a bit flat on the funny side, but that's ok.
One idea I wanted to fly apst you was editing that last image so that Al Gore is covered with insulation and you can change the caption to convenient truth? Maybe....just an idea.
|Miscellaneous:||6||My general feeling|
|Final Score:||31||That's about it. Any questions or comments can be left on my talkpage. Hope I was able to help out a bit.|