Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Increase Performance of Wireless Devices
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ShuaDaddy 03:03, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||I'm going to break this down section by section, though I'll skip the really short ones. Averaged.
Intro: Intro in itself isn't all too funny. The dildos and sharpies jokes just didn't grab me and you could probably go without it. Also, I would recommend not listing the devices and instead including them in a sentence; the list is unnecessary. To be honest, I'm not gonna give a humor score to the intro, as I think it'd probably work best as a fairly straightforward intro to the rest of the article.
Required Materials: 5. Lists are usually frowned upon in Uncyclopedia articles. You can use a list, but I suggest fleshing out the list by adding at least some humorous description after each material you mention.
Finding and Extending Your Antenna: 5. AHH! FACTS! To start, the opening bit here doesn't work for me. Is this actually a technical term, or were you just trying to make a sex joke? I'm not sure. I would suggest that you could make this part extremely demeaning to somebody who can't find their antenna: you did a little, but if you fleshed this out a bit, it could make the opening bit better. So, I keep reading, and... OH NO, MORE FACTS! Remember, this is a joke encyclopedia. You have a fairly serious article here. There are a few jokes but they're not outstanding; the measurement one took me a bit to figure out that you were just using strange numbers and a complete size difference.
Installing/Conclusion: 2. There's not humor here anymore. I give you the two points for the last sentence, but the rest is just completely straight.
|Concept:||5||You know, it's not a terrible article idea, but you need to lean away from legitimately telling people how to increase their wireless. As an average guy, I'm not entirely sure whether your whole foil idea is the 'joke' or not. If it is, you need to make it far more obvious for a mainstream audience. You can even keep the same basic idea, but you just need to make it blatantly obvious that you're kidding. Or if you're not kidding, change it up somehow.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||You have some odd little bumps in here, I suggest getting somebody to proofread it. There's some odd capitals and punctuation, nothing terrible.|
|Images:||6||Some images are fine, but I recommend you pull the Wireless Users, Cat, and Required Materials pictures. They clog up the article and don't look pretty. When you write articles, you want to keep images down to one every two sections or so, and switch up the sides they're on. If you don't know how to do this, you can look it up or just check some other page's source.|
|Final Score:||27.5||You can make this into a good article. But you need to make it more accessible and mainstream, as well as adding more humor. It definitely reads like a HowTo guide, but it seems like it's a HowTo guide that legitimately was trying to tell someone how to do something and then had a few jokes added here and there. Make the humor more outstanding and obvious. Stress the jokes, and keep on trying.|
|Reviewer:||--mrmonkey72 04:07, 27 July 2008 (UTC)|