Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Hunt Crocodiles
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This is my first real article, so I want to know how I did. I've been a lurker for a while, so... ionno, just any advice you could give me. That'd be pretty sweet.--GDBD--Keyraqueboane 22:28, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
| This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.|
I'll do this some time today. Hopefully.--(CUN) 22:22, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
- awesomesauce. Ich bedanke mich Ihnen. --GDBD--Keyraqueboane 22:28, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||You did a good job with this. I’m not saying it’s absolutely perfect, but this got me chuckling. The ending to Steve Erwin’s guide, although a bit mean, was great. The Shark section also made me laugh. But for me, there are still ups and downs. There are always ups and downs in an article, but I’m reviewing this, so I have to identify hem and tell you how to improve them. The biggest problem lies in the concept section, so here I’ll go through some smaller things. Let’s go, shall we?
I want to go through the sources of humor you have here. First, is how Steve Erwins talks about the animals like they are something from another planet, that have never been seen before. That gets some laughs, but you can’t go on like that forever. So you’ve got some other types of things throughout here, stuff like the curry line in the ‘Interior’ section. Shirt comments that link your subject to other subjects. That’s good. Your third and final main humor source are your links. Pretty much every single link is linked to something else in a funny way. Now I want to go through the problems with these separate types of humor.
First of all, the style you build up in the first paragraph on ‘exterior’ and ‘interior’ tends to dissipate and fall apart. In this first section you explain everything like the reader ahs never met anything like it before, but this tends to stop happening as the guide goes on. I don’t want you to overdo it, but try and keep this style steady throughout the article.
The other problem here is about your links. These links take up the majority of the humor attempts here. Used well, this can be funny. However, in the bulk you have done this, it’s not as great. Besides, it takes longer to get all this humor. And if you want to get all the jokes, you will have to click on EVERY SINGLE LINK. I think you can see the problem here. Try and cut down on these, leaving only the best. You can keep a fair number, but give at least a sentence or two between each.
One last thing here, not really to do with the humor. At the start of the guide, you give us some good, juicy paragraphs – large sized. As it goes on they start to get shorter, as you say less and less about the animals you are talking about. It will give you much more humor potential if you try to write a bit more about each animal near the end, instead of just a few sentences.
|Concept:||3||This is the biggest problem here – the concept is a bit uncertain of itself. The title suggests that this is going to be a guide to catching crocodiles. When we read the intro, I get the impression they are going to give a tour of the facility and give some tips and such. Bit then it goes into a guide by Steve Erwin, as we find out that this has got nothing to do with crocodiles at all. All we learn in the entire article is a bit about the animals. Mostly there isn’t even much on how to catch them – and you never mentioned crocodiles again!
So, you can see the problem here. You really have to make an effort of identifying what you are going to say here, and probably change this title as well. At the moment this is a bit confusing. You’ve got a lot of concepts in here and you’ve got to decide which one you are going to use for the main content of your article. Spend some time on this, because this the most important thing here.
|Prose and formatting:||5||Ok. A few little things here, mostly to do with formatting. The most important thing here is probably your links – there are simply way too many of them. Links are good, but in such large numbers as this, it actually makes it look worse. So cut down on the number of links. Also, try and delete the red links in the article. They don’t look particularly bad, but a professional never has red links on their page. Or they SHOULD, at least.
The only other problem here is the size of your images. The first is way too big, and there are two others on the right side that are too small. Try and keep your images around the same size.
On the subject of prose, I have nothing much to say. You’ve got a good style here – nothing amazing but nothing bad.
|Images:||6||Your images are pretty average. The Jewbacca one is rather unrelated but still funny, and you tie it in with the caption. Nothing big to improve here, although I could feel you could definitely get some really funny images related to animal hunting – traps, techniques and so forth.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||My overall rating of your article, give or take a decimal or two.|
|Final Score:||28||Ok – I’ve been harsh with the scores. But I’m really trying to stress the fact that these comments are really important. Mainly, you need to find a clear concept and sit on it, and you also have to cut down on the shear amount of these links. If you simply fixed up those two things, you humor could go up to an eight, your concept to an 8 and your Prose and formatting to a 7 as well. That’s improvement. So concentrate on all the points here and this will be a very strong article! I hope I have helped, and I also hope to see you writing more great stuff soon.|
|Reviewer:||--(CUN) 21:05, September 20, 2010 (UTC)|