Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Host an emo pity party

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edit HowTo:Host an emo pity party

Hi there! Please be congruent when reviewing my article and if you spot simple grammatical errors, do not be afraid of editing them.

Have a great piss. Your next mug of beer, or shower, or both, all depends on the effort you put into being constructive.

Thank you... Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 12:25, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

I've got this one for you. --ChiefjusticeDS 13:04, 23 July 2009 (UTC) Yay I was hoping it would be you... Sir ACROLO KUNFPWAOTMFA •(SPAM) 13:10, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5 I think you have some good stuff here, your jokes are not without their merits but, in my opinion, could do with a bit more work. You need to try and be slightly less overt with your humour, you have a style which almost walks a reader through each joke. Now while this style is perfectly acceptable, as I have seen from some of your other work, here it seems slightly over the top. Your intro demonstrates this especially well and can seem slightly confused as you try and complete several jokes at once. You have to bear in mind that a How To should be an instructional guide, a great deal of the humour can come from explaining the blindingly obvious and implying the reader is an idiot at the same time, you should avoid saying "This party will suck because, I am an emo, and throw bad parties", it is infinitely better to say "This party is useless because I'm a waste of space emo" let the reader make the assumption for themselves. My main tip here would be to try and avoid over emphasizing jokes and to try and talk about the article like it is a guide (more on this below).
Concept: 6 The concept of the article is fine and it is the type of article that will fit nicely into the How To. You write from the first person throughout the article and you have generally been successful in keeping the tone consistent. However I would caution you against the meandering style your article has picked up; the second half of every paragraph wanders off topic and onto something vaguely related to the subject matter at best. Since the article is a How To you should really stay on topic throughout. Take a look at some of the featured How To's and you will see that the authors always stick to what the guide is talking about. This is not to say that these sections are not amusing, they would just work far better were they integrated better. It was just difficult to find the instructions in these paragraphs as I looked through and I found myself frowning and rereading sections to try and figure out where the instructions were. Ultimately they are there, they are just hidden beneath a lot of extra text, try cutting the superfluous parts down and expanding on the instructional parts.
Prose and formatting: 8 Your prose are ok, just be very careful about comma splicing, it is very easy to do in the first person because of the style and tone, but read through again as you change things and decide whether the points are connected. Yes this is very picky you shouldn't be too concerned about this typos and grammar issues rather than real spelling mistakes. Your image to text ratio is okay, just consider indenting one of the latter pictures to the left hand side just to make your article a bit easier on the eye.
Images: 8 Your images are ok and relevant to the article, the captions saving one that is possibly less so. But consider putting captions on the pictures, a picture without captions is wide open to misinterpretation and fails to compliment the text. Be funny, repeat a point from the article in the caption, but word it differently, in my experience this works wonders.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 34 This is a relatively good article, and really has the makings of greatness. You need to be careful, however, make sure your article is relevant and most importantly, easy to read. If you can carry out some changes and maybe remove some sections this will be a very good solid article. Good luck.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 13:44, 23 July 2009 (UTC)
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