Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Hide in the closet
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- Yeah, this is the most retarded article I've ever read, someone ban this guy. -- 16:55, 29 December 2009 (UTC)
No joke, phail him for the dialogue in an article -- 17:40, 2 January 2009
- I was joking. Go away, IP. (Oh shit, I forgot all about this. Thanks for the reminder, IP!) —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:54, 2 January 2009 (UTC)
Pee Review In Progress
Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by:
|Humour:||5||So, you've got yourself this pissy substitute teacher and a classroom full of semi-respectful brats. We've all been through grade school, so we've all had this scenario a number of times. Great. Now what? This is your issue, for the most part. You started out with what looked like a promising article, but you came out too strong so that you had nothing to build up to. This kinda bleeds over into prose, but it's related to humor so I'll keep it here. One of the keys to a monologue in humor writing is progression. There needs to be some buildup of your character. Think about an actual substitute teacher. He probably isn't going to come into the classroom expecting to be treated like shit. He's not thinking about that. Instead, he's letting himself be blinded by just how excited he is about finally getting some classroom experience (and some work). It isn't until he gets really frustrated that he blows his top and starts screaming at the kids.
Also, don't let the characters and the setting detract from your primary purpose. This is a major distraction as it is. The idea of dialogue in an article is a good one (see? fuck you, IP!) but in this case it is distracting. You need to tone it down a little bit. At least, do so in the beginning so that you have a little bit of buildup.
|Concept:||5||Eh, dammit. I kinda covered most of my concept comments in the humor section. I guess the other thing I can talk about is the idea itself. What is "hiding in the closet"? Is is being a closeted homosexual? Most of your article says that it is. But then you extend the metaphor to the literal sense with the idea that one's closet could also be a safe haven from things other than judgmental parents. I think this is okay, but you need to make a choice. One has to be your primary definition of "in the closet", and my guess is that it is being a closeted gay. Just make sure that the focus always returns to this.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Once again, I covered most of this in the humor section. But your writing is good. Writing from a character's point of view is always a fun challenge that I think you had no problem with. However, your score is still low because you laid it on a bit thick in the beginning, leaving you no room for escalation. Quick comment on formatting, too: I don't know how I feel about your current quote templates. Perhaps simple italics would suffice? I dunno, it seems to...jumpy for something so unimportant as a one line rebuttal. Your move.|
|Images:||4||First two images are fine. Not hilarious, but fine. The last two are too out there for me, though. I don't understand why they're there. Replace them and you're fine, since the image count is just about where it should be.|
|Final Score:||25||While this isn't a great article just yet, IP still needs to shut the fuck up, because this wasn't "the most retarded article I've ever read." Also, I do not feel like putting you on Ban Patrol or anything. I do, however, feel like putting you to work. Your homework is:
Do these things and you should be golden. But this is a serious fixer-upper, I'm not gonna lie.
|Reviewer:||—Sir SysRq (talk) 20:41, 2 January 2009 (UTC)|