Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Get a Life

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edit HowTo:Get a Life

I'm claiming this one! --User-Gladstone-icon Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM | Converse | Icons-flag-gb Yorks Rose 16:04, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Auk 15:40, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 5.4 I wanted to do this one; inherently, it's a funny idea. Look! You're a computer geek! Get out of your house and interact with someone who doesn't speak three different programming languages or have a fully developed 'Second Life' relationship!
  • Opening paragraph -5- One line, yet it could be so much more. The piece is a How To guide, and so it should really include an introduction - what a life is, why you should want one/why not having one makes you a l-o-s-e-r... You get the drift. Anyway
  • Step One and Step Two -6- Absolutely the right start, but again could be so much more. These sections (which I'd be inclined to make into a single "Step One: Getting Ready") could almost a step-by-step guide in their own right: wean off caffeine/taurine/amphetamine, wash, eat properly, make sure clothes have been washed in the last 18 months, and so on.
  • Step 3 Going Outside -4- I found this section disappointing actually. The 'getting dressed' bit made up too much of the section, whereas the funny bit about actually walking out is relegated to a sentence at the end. Big it up - it's funny! There's so much that could be done...
  • Step Four -6- It's getting there. This section does a little bit more what it says on the tin - starts to give instructions on how to actually interact with people! Again, it could be more, with it being a bit more instructional - I'd make it more of a step-by-step guide, with trial conversations, tasks to try, and so on.
  • Step Five -6- Similar comments to Section 4 really.
Concept: 7 It really should be funny - it's inherently a great concept. How often do we say, in jest or otherwsie, "get a life"? What do we mean? That's the joke you're trying to get at, but it's what's not quite hitting the target.
Prose and formatting: 5 This lets the article down, to be honest.

Formatting and Links

The format is OK, but it's a bit dry - apart from in one section, it's all just single paragraph sections. You've got plenty of links going on to it (possibly by luck rather than design), though the links in the article are perhaps a bit lacking. For instance, you could link "pants are important also" - it helps to make people laugh at the concepts of the article.
My other gripe is the use of italics and bold as emphasis - it's good, but it's not consistent, which just irritates.

Spelling and Grammar

Spelling is not too bad, though there's a few petty annoyances - for instance, a lack of capital letters ("family guy" is the one that immediately leaps out, but there's others).
Grammar-wise, I found it really frustrating. For guidance on quotes, see this review for a start at least.
Images: 7 The images are good, entertaining, with reasonable captions. For a longer article and a better score you'd need to have more pictures; perhaps before and after pictures are a good one, or testemonials from people who got a life.
Miscellaneous: 6.1 Averaged
Final Score: 30.5 30.5 is a very reasonable score I think. It could be brilliant; with a bit of work I'd certainly nominate it VFH. It's not brilliant yet though. I'm going to keep an eye - if I have time I might contribute to it to help because I like the premise and I'd love to see it turn into the great article it could be.
Reviewer: User-Gladstone-icon Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM | Converse | Icons-flag-gb Yorks Rose 21:34, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
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