I made this a couple of months ago but never finished, so I decided to finish it. Some of it was short cause I wanted to get it done. I aint worried about pictures. Indepth Please!
- TALKWhat's it like to be a heretic? 02:35, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
I've got this one, prepare yourself. --ChiefjusticeDS 10:12, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
Right, your humour is seriously flawed and you need to work at it to save the article from deletion. The very first thing you need to do is sort out your coherence, you could be making some of the best jokes in the world, but if you aren't understandable or they don't make sense they are as good as useless. Try to slow down, especially in your preamble, as you race off into the article, swiftly define a 'relationshit', and then start listing things. Anybody who reads the article needs to both be able to understand exactly what you are talking about and exactly why it should be avoided. Your best part of the article is the joke about meeting someone you hated at McDonalds, so expand this idea annd demonstrate it's application in more ways. The second big thing is to sort the humour in the list, use HTBFANJS and go through the list, bulldoze anything that doesn't seem to conform. You should also take a look at other HowTo's to see the best way to do the humour. I find that the best humour in a HowTo comes from explaining something in a really patronising way but still acting as though the reader will be having serious problems with it or is too stupid to understand, implicitly insult them but don't just come out and say "This is funny because <insert name here> is an idiot". For some good examples of the best way to do this take a look at these two HowTo's: this one and this one. Note the way the authors involve the reader and make their point, note the differences between their work and yours. My final point is to avoid long lists at all costs, when you read HTBFANJS you will find some more information on this, but essentially; lists are absolutely fine when they small and compliment a much larger piece of the article, they shouldn't exist as an entire article because it doesn't really provide for a very good reading experience, nor is it conducive to writing humour. Please don't take my reccommendation to study HTBFANJS as a sleight on your ability, it is one of our most useful resources and I encourage anyone having difficulties to take a look, your article could be very solid, but it has a long way to go.
Your concept is OK, but you need to work on it's accessibility and application, things like: How will I make the jokes? When will I make the jokes? What will I make them about. Your execution also needs some work. Try to decide on a tone before you start taking a look at any changes. Decide whether you want the article to be informal and first person (I, personall, would recommend you use this one) or formal, encyclopaedic and third person. The majority of HowTo's are written informally in the first person as they address the reader. You need to try and avoiud splitting the two, remember to be consistent, mixing the tones makes the article sound incorrect and thus lacking in credibility, since much of the humour can be derived from acting as though you have credibility, you need to retain that idea.
Prose and formatting:
Your prose, such as they are, are in a desperate state at the moment. Your spelling and grammar needs a lot of attention, as I read through for the first time I was picking up typos, incorrect word formations, syntax errors, incorrect plurals, poor apostrophe use, comma splicing to name a few. Even if English is not your first language there is absolutely no excuse for allowing these errors to go unchecked. I would seriously recommend that you take advantage of the services offered by the uncyclopedia proofreading service and have someone else check your work for you. You have no images (see below) and the article looks generally untidy, you need to get this fixed if the article is to be as good as I'm certain it can be.
You said in the review summary that you aren't worried about images, my response would be that you should be. But I will refrain from commenting on this especially as you may have some ideas already, good luck implementing them if that is the case. If you want some image suggestions feel free to contact me and I will do my best to help.
My overall grade of the article.
The most disappointing aspect of this one for me is the knowledge that you can do so much better. The article has some good idea behind it and I can see how you can make it excellent but it needs a fair amount of work before it reaches that point, you need to sort this out. Refer to HTBFANJS and be harsh with editing, remove anything you don't think is the best you can do. If you have any comments, questions or requests regarding this review then feel free to bring them to me on my talk page. Good luck making any improvements.