Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Fail an Exam

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edit HowTo:Fail an Exam

Can anyone kindly review this for me. I'm not the original author but i did do a significant rewrite of this. I'd appreciate any comments that can help me improve this piece.. thanks! Kitkat™ talk to me 800px-Flag of the Philippines svg 09:47, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the review Nachlader, i'll keep your comments in mind when i redo this piece. Thanks! And if you have anymore ideas that can help me improve this article please tell me. Pleeeeeeeeeease... :)--Kitkat™ talk to me 800px-Flag of the Philippines svg 02:12, 27 November 2008 (UTC)
Humour: 3 After I read this, I confess to doubting you did a "significant" rewrite of this article, much less a couple of edits or two that could go by unnoticed (even if I could distinguish what your edits were from the original draft). Even if you had started the article all over from scratch, I still wouldn't consider it significant. But what am I dwelling about? I know you'll be able to improve the article after this review.

Speaking of which, the article isn't entirely funny. It has a few random sections, a very brief description of what the reader has to do in order to fail an exam, some wanton images, etc. The random parts in question include: "Also don't do this method if your Asian and have Asian parents.. most likely your parents will kick your ass all the way to China if they catch you. Believe me, i'm speaking from experience. Seriously i ended up in the backway alley of a chinese restaurant with a black eye, a broken rib and a dislocated shoulder...", "You just wait here in this step.. Why don't grab me a soda or beer or something while were waiting, i'm kinda thirsty from talking. Thanks!".

This article isn't very humourous in it's current state. Expand on the article, as well as the images, and there will be more space for humour potential.

Concept: 5 Good idea, but very badly executed. The sections could definately be expanded. Give a much more in-deph advice on what is need to do in order to fail an exam. There are qutie a few sections, it'd be fair enough for the reader to have evidence that the author cared about what s/he was writing about. The images could be improved too.

"Step Three" would appear to be the clinical part of the article, as it tells the reader what should be done during the exam. Yet, it's incredibly short. It makes me wonder what the rest of the article is for. It's no good if your article is going to be half-hearted concept - it won't last long here.

Prose and formatting: 3 Six sections, yet so few words. You've distributed paragraphs/one-liners to each section like a dictator would distribute food to the poor. Very mouldy food too, as even if there are a few lines that you didn't add yourself, you could've done well to improve the qaulity of it. Typos, grammatical mistakes and the like flock in herds here:
  • "Sick of all those stink eyes from your average classmates that are jealous of the natural brain juice oozing from that big head of yours.. well then threat no more, i'm here to teach you how to Fail an Exam.." is quite charmless. The first sentence is a tad too long and contains unnecessary words for a question (in my opinion), making it a bit boring to read. And even so, despite being presented as a query, there is no question mark at the end of it. With the "big head of yours.." part, the fade with the full stops is better as "big head of yours..." (or to add the question mark: "big head of yours...?"). As with the rule of three (the theoretical rule, not the article), full stops are presented best either by themselves to annote the end of sentences, of in threes to present a 'fade away' look. Two full stops or any more than three just look weird.
  • Quite a few of these: "now your in", "If your in college", "if your Asian". If you are talking in the present tense, you would put "if you are", and the short version is "if you're". The apostraphe and the 'e' is what you're looking for here.
  • Quite a few of these too: "waiting, i'm kinda", "i'm here to". Capitalise all 'i's that are initially singularly (that is, "image" can go without being capitalised, but "I am" and "I'm" or "I've" require the dot to be shot off).
  • "Don't forget to always end it with a smiley face. :)" You didn't need to end that sentence with a smiley face either, not in the actual article itself. If you posed an example of how to answer exam questions in a box, you could always put the smiley face there.
  • "Also, don't be writing the", "And don't be putting your", "don't be choosing an". While this sentence is technically correct, it's still very awry in grammatical terms. Sort of on par with writing lists without commas ("eggs and carrots and chickens and potatoes"). You used it three times, so I decided it might be a problem with your English rather than an intended remark. Instead of "don't be choosing an", just put quite simply: "Don't choose a".
  • "Why don't grab". Should be: "Why don't you grab". Even so, the whole line is is very random and should really be removed from the article.
  • "planning to fail an exams". Should be: "planning to fail an exam".
  • And there are many more mistakes in the writing style. Only this list is going too far now.

Even though the 'step-by-step' format is often frowned upon, it could somehow work here. Meanwhile, each step is hungry for more prose. Describe the methods more.

Images: 4 Two images supplied, although they lack any significent interest. The first image doesn't consist of any "cool" people, contrary to what the caption says. You could so, so, so easily get a far better image than of two ugly people. The second image is just confusing. I don't know who the guy is, what he's supposed to be doing other than shouting in what looks like a crowded venue, much less what the relevance the image is to the real article.

Since this is an article about exams, why didn't you add one of the many thousand of joke exam images that on the internet? I can't link you to one right now, but they would suit this article. There are some images that have been used to death, but I've come across a few images I know that aren't circulated as often.

Miscellaneous: 4.25 Average'd.
Final Score: 19.25 Dissapointing article, considering a HowTo: on failing exams has a velour sniff about it that reeks of potential. Just get a French vinery man and a few rewrites, and this article will go from corked to a fresh, aromatic red.

Other opinions are available, and if you want my help with this article when I'm not at school (and should be working), feel free to talk to me.

Reviewer: --Nachlader 11:33, 26 November 2008 (UTC)
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