Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Disable a Tsar Bomba
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- I'll do this one.-- 13:52, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Probably the best start would be to read Htbfanjs. It's our beginner advice for writing articles. To point out specific problems, I'll start out with the title and introduction sentence. "Bomba", to the best of my knowledge, refers to a Puerto Rican style of music. Perhaps, if an established oddball character that appears in a story refers to a bomb as a "bomba", it may be funny. Unfortunately, it's just some guy named Bob. The "Association Against Randomly Placed Tsar Bomba's." acronym kind of falls flat too. An acronym, or initials of an imaginary association should probably spell out something ironic to the subject matter. Here, it just seems random.
Speaking of random, the next section titled "What is a Tsar Bomba?" violates one of the core principles of humor. Using what we call "The Randomizer" tool. In other words, just tossing together a bunch of absurd and seemingly random concepts. Example: "The Reason why it appears out of thin air is unknown,but some historians believed it appears out of no where because it saw Joseph Stalin having an Orgy with Vladimir Putin and a couple other non-important KGB officers" It essentially makes it look like very little thought has gone into the humor. You've just randomly tossed a couple of Russian leaders and a Russian organization into an "orgy" that somehow made a thermonuclear device disappear - when the main gist of the paragraph is explaining why it randomly appears for no reason. Again, it looks VERY random. You don't have to make sense but complete nonsense spoils any comedic setup. In this section, you should be building the foundation for humor that comes later - while being funny and not just random. One piece of this paragraph actually has the potential for a good joke "I wish I could do that when i visit my In-laws". Unfortunately, It doesn't follow something that makes it funny. Adding in "Ya get it" afterward is almost always a no-no. One basic principle of joke telling is simple: If you have to explain the joke to someone, then it's not funny. It's like asking the reader if they understood that you just told a joke - if it's funny, you don't need to.
The next section called "supplies": - There should be a funny reason why a "Tsar Bomba" appears out of nowhere. There is nothing established in the introduction for this. Next, another thing frowned upon here is "listiness". In other words, just making lists. The supplies section and the rest of the article is really just a list - which is pretty much a beginner tool for easily creating humor without much work. You can actually get away with using this tool if you are clever. In this instance, items 3 and 4 on your supplies list are essentially the same thing.
Step 1: So, If a Tsar Bomba doesn't have a control panel, then you cannot disarm it. You state that most of these "bombas" don't have a control panel. So, you've basically made your HowTo completely irrelevant in most situations and we're only at step one. Advice on giving up hope could be a lot funnier than "get the hell out of there". Even a standard "kiss your ass goodbye" would be better (but not necessarily that funny) in this instance. Random use of the word fuck is rarely funny. Cursing is also a primitive way of expressing humor when you can't think of anything clever to say instead.
Steps 2-5: Some humor that could be salvaged includes: "Playing , Eeny, meeny, miney, moe and a degree which allows you to disable a 100 megaton bomb (which you included on your supplies list but, in step 3, you claim that it doesn't exist - followed by step four saying you need it again). Unfortunately, these items aren't used in a manner that generates humor. There is nothing necessarily wrong with giving advice that's contradictory to previous statements but the manner in which that is implemented here is just frustrating the reader without a comedic context. It's too random and nonsensical.
|Concept:||1||The concept is the foundation of everything. "HowTo: Disable a Tsar Bomba" isn't necessarily a poor foundation in itself but you haven't done enough work on establishing what the bomb is, why it exists and how to disarm it. Again, you want to entertain the readers, not merely frustrate them with gibberish.|
|Prose and formatting:||.5||The spelling and sentence structure is VERY poor. Examples: "no where" instead of nowhere. "what due you do" instead of "what do you do". "incase" instead of "in case". "fetile" instead of fetal. Never put a comma before the word "but", it's intended to join sections of a sentence together without a comma. What you really need to do is have a spell checking browser at the very least. I still misspell some words myself and I always know when I do because the word gets underlined in red. I would suggest going beyond that and using an application like Microsoft Word that will not only correct your spelling but also warn you when creating a "run on" sentence. Concept aside, the poor grammar is a major reason why this article may be deleted.|
|Images:||1||It's not always the image you use as much as the caption you write to describe the image. You can take stock images and make them funny with a good article and caption. The one photo with the bomb has a caption that makes no sense. "How it looked in your garage"?? The article is about Tsar Bombas randomly appearing in back yards. The swap meet comment is nonsensical too and has no bearing on anything you've written. It's RANDOM - there's that word again!|
|Miscellaneous:||1||If you really want to save this article from deletion, you really need to put more effort into it. There's a lot of obvious errors in the writing that could be easily fixed with only a basic understanding of English. Did you slowly read it to yourself? I have to do that with every article I write - just to see if the grammar is good and that I'm properly conveying what I want to communicate.|
|Final Score:||5.5||I really don't want to discourage you from writing, I want you to get better. Take my suggestions for improving your grammar and spelling. Try to read what you write out loud, or to another person. Read some of the featured articles here at Uncyclopedia and get a feel for what's considered funny. Most of all, start with Htbfanjs and read it carefully.|
|Reviewer:||--15:47, September 8, 2011 (UTC)|