Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Deal with parents
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I really need some advise to complete this one. Any help is welcome.
Don't forget to check the revision from before I added the Matrix reference. (I'd like to use it, but it should probably be placed closer to the beginning.)
-Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:01, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||I found two major problems. One in humor, and one in prose. What I found in humor, is that this is more of an explanation than an actual funny bit. You need to add more funny material. In other words, I think your concept leaves you with a bit more than you go for. Here are a few ideas for this that I came up with at the top of my head.
Well, most parents are always looking after their kids right? Kids just hate the fact that they make them do chores, or go to school and so on. So you could make fun of their whiney little nature, by putting stuff in a section where it says why are you running away? For example you could say, "Your mommy took your telephone away for getting an F and that got you really pissed." Now that of course, isn't too funny, but you could probably delve into that more to make it so.
Also, you could make a part about why the parents treat you so bad. Because you do bad in school, you don't play any sports, you dropped out of piano lessons and are just an overall failure. Something like that...I don't know just throwing stuff out that might add humor.
|Concept:||7||You could do things with this. I think if you added more jokes this could be far more solid. I think the idea has been done before though. There are alot of articles I think, that are about bad parent and kid relationships, whinny kids, and abusive parents. I think that if you looked into more options on where you could take this it could be alot funnier.|
|Prose and formatting:||2||Ahh! This page was very very very very messy. It DEFINITELY needs clean up before, anything. I will make a list of what I found wrong.
|Images:||6||Decent pictures, not too funny, but not too random. I think the third one with the hands should be taken out for sure and the other words should be spaced out to improve the format. I also don't get the two ones with the ugly and hot girls, it was weird. Maybe switch some of those out or explain better.|
|Final Score:||24||It was decent, but it can DEFINITELY be improved. This all might be very confusing, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck bud!|
|Reviewer:||17:53, 21 February 2009 (UTC)|