Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Care for a Goldfish

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edit HowTo:Care for a Goldfish

No comment. Just review. --~ Myg Myg2 11:37, January 16, 2011 (UTC)

I got this one. --Tophat headless 14:19, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
I'm doing this now. Sorry I'm a bit late. --Tophat headless 00:57, January 19, 2011 (UTC)
Hey, I was about to hit save, and the window closed. I'm feeling less motivated to do it now. Maybe later. Sorry. --Tophat headless 02:13, January 19, 2011 (UTC)
If anyone finds that ambiguous, consider Magic man's booking cancelled. Shame. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 01:52, 22 January 2011
No! I'm gonna do it now! I forgot. Sorry... --Tophat headless 01:59, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
Oh, for... fine, but if you don't, I'll... I'll paint your cat green! 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 02:08, 22 January 2011
Wha-? Someone put my article up for Pee Review? Uh... thank you? But maybe next time you should tell me, Mimo.--Username18 KUN FP 06:42, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
What!? This wasn't Mimo's? I assumed it was his. Darn-it Mimo! Try not to do that kinda thing. --Tophat headless 14:48, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
Turned into a collaboration somewhere along the line - Romartus did a small bit, as well. But yeah, it helps to at least mention such things. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 17:46, 22 January 2011
Ya... It does... --Tophat headless 22:16, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Okay, so your three biggest problems are that alot of the jokes just seems random and rushed, and the other one is that some of your sections seem quite brief. Take the introduction for example, it's pretty good, but the jokes about "dave of sydney" just don't make sense. Like first of all, I've never heard of "dave of sydney" in my life (and I'm a whole ten and a half years old!). Also, it comes off like your trying to talk about your political beliefs through the article. Other than that, the introduction is fine.

The Tank: Again, quite random and rushed. That being said, you have alot of good ideas and jokes here. All you need is to is elaborate and bring it all together. For example, when you talk about not keeping a fish that is larger than the tank, that's good! It could be funny too. All you need to do is elaborate and have more detail.

Then going to the jokes about working in the real estate industry, and being a client of someone in real estate. Those are quite random an seem out of place. Not shure you could really save those, those are pretty much already in detail. You might want to just take them out.

Now the thing about putting the goldfish in an army tank, lol wut? I mean This is soo random and out of place it makes my head hurt (sorry for being so blunt). It's not even that funny (again, sorry for being so blunt). I get the put and all, but it's just not funny.

Preparing the Tank: Very brief. But as far as I see it, this section has two jokes. they both have the same problem. The first joke is about storing jewellery or old recipts in dry tanks. I didn't completely get that. What exactly were you going for, and how was it supposed to be funny? (God! I'm just a blunt machine today!).

The other joke was about filling the tank with other liquids. I see what you're trying to do there, but I really think that joke needs to be reworked. It could be funny, but it isn't as it is now. Also, after the joke, you talk about it defeating the purpose, and it being removed from the next edition of the guide. Which is basically like making a joke, and then apologizing for it being so bad. Never do that. It is an unspoken rule that you never apologize for your joke.

Decorating the Tank: Again, quite brief. Also quite random with the whole Nintendo Wii and miniature trampoline jokes. I don't know what it is, maybe it's just that those jokes take you so far from reality that it just kills the joke itself.

I guess the whole tiny sofa thing is kinda funny. But again, you need to elaborate!

Also this section could probably be merged with the previous section. Because if you think about it, is this not in preparation for the fish?

Choosing a Fish: For the most part this section is good. But if I were you I'd remove the joke about taking home the owner of the pet store. Not very funny and quite random.

Training Your Fish: Actually to tell you the truth, I could do without this section. Maybe it could be replaced with a section about putting your fish in the tank.

Feeding Your Fish: I love this section! All the jokes are funny, they make sense, and they are in great detail (but not too much). The flow also seems to be great. I wiuld like to say I laughed for ten minutes when I saw you had linked "real pet" to Oprah Winfrey. If all your sections were like this this article would be amazing.

Concept: 6 Good Concept actually. I was surprised there wasn't an article about this already. I really like how you keep your writing style consistent through out the whole article. You did a good job.
Prose and formatting: 7 As you may or my not know, I'm not very good at spelling grammar and the rest myself. But I figured it couldn't be perfect. The one thing I did however notice was at one point you say "next edition of the Guide" I don't think "Guide" should be capitalized. Also the sections seem kinda mixed up at points. But I think that's just me.
Images: 5 Well, there's nothing really wrong with your images, it's just they seem kinda generic. And the captions aren't overly funny. You also need more of them in there. Ya know Black Flamingo once told me that if you make an article longer there will be more to illustrate.
Miscellaneous: 6 Your scores averaged.
Final Score: 30 I actually quite like this article. I think it will some work, but if you put the time it needs into it, it could become featured!
Reviewer: --Tophat headless 03:29, January 22, 2011 (UTC)
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