Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Build a Better Mousetrap (2)

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edit HowTo:Build a Better Mousetrap

hyperbole gave me an excellent review (here). in it he suggested moving the article to Mousetrap, and portraying the mice as normal rather than evil. i think these are excellent suggestions, and i would like some further input before implementing them. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:05, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

It's been said that the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Well written article. --Marvin1226 21:20, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 8.416666666666667 I liked the humor quite a bit. About every other line there was a joke that kept me eager to read more. Let's take an in-depth look, shall we?

Intro -- 9.5 -- I like the first quote, but the second one is a little unnecessary. The intro itself is very funny. It grabs my attention and holds it there. I can't find anything else to improve on, so let's move on.

The Enemy -- 7.5 -- I like the concept of this section, but it seems to me that it needs more content. I feel that you could do more with mousii being enemies. Are the mousii lone operators, or is there a complicated network of mouse cheese-stealing experts below your house? Are they instinctually evil, or are they taught to de-cheese the silly humans in school?

Mousetraps in History -- 9 -- This section feels a little short, but what is there is good writing liberally smeared over this section. I can't think of anything to improve on except add a couple more sentences.

Recent failings -- 8.5 -- Again, this section has very good writing, but I would like to see more alternatives to mousetraps like fumigation and why it is futile. The peanut butter trap set-up was a little hard to follow, but other than that this section is done.

Building Your Mousetrap -- 8 -- This section was good. There are things that can be improved upon. For example, you say "think like a mouse," but give no examples of mousethought! The second paragraph was a little unnecessary IMO, all you say is to attack from above. However, apart from those two criticisms, this section is very good.

If all else fails -- 8 -- Good ending, wraps it up nicely. The end.

Concept: 9 This needed to be done. Thank you, sir. I must agree with Hyperbole, it should be moved to Mousetrap. I must also disagree with Hyperbole, keep the mousii evil.
Prose and formatting: 8 Generally very smooth and easy to read, but sometimes when you were describing a complicated set-up like the peanut butter trap, you faltered. Your links were well-sprinkled and sometimes good for a laugh. Also, you misspelled "acutiy". (Building your mousetrap)
Images: 7.5 Three images, all good, all relevant. Where did I hear that? Anyway, The first two are fine, but you should enlarge the third image so we can see all its complicated, convoluted glory.
Miscellaneous: 8.2291 Avg'd. Also, I don't know if you meant to spell "seedless" wrong, but I would correct it anyway.
Final Score: 38.7291 This article is headed to feature-glory... after you make a few minor touch-ups. You're welcome!
Reviewer: Necropaxx (T) {~} 23:40, Sep 2
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