Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Break Your Addiction to Uncyclopedia

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edit HowTo:Break Your Addiction to Uncyclopedia

Hey I havent written a lot lately, but a review would be nice. Snowman111 Butlerstar Frosty dah snowguy contribs KUN PLEB Big GREEN Button Big red button 08:13, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

I've got this, it'll be ready in 2 days maximum. I'm also addicted I'm afraid, my solution would be to throw my PC out the window. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:15, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
I'm not through, Frosty, I'll send you a message when it's done. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:03, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
Now it is done. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 23:13, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 7 First, it's so fucking true this site is addictive, I never go to other sites (except porn, of course.)
  • Intro: Great intro, maybe try to go with fancier words, a bit as if you were a doctor/expert? Maybe you could even say that you have a ph D in dependency treatment or some shit? Just food for thought here. As I say in the prose section, the repetition of "addict", "addiction" is tiresome.
Also adding a pic here wouldn't hurt, as I say in the pic section. Maybe it's an overused cliche, but a real good citation to open the article could do a good job, like
“I lost my job, my wife and my house, but I still have my PC and an Internet connection. No big deal.”
~ you or Uncyclopedia junkie


  • Step 1: The first sentence sucks. How about something like: "As you certainly know, admittance is the first step toward recovery from very nasty habits." This way you could keep your links. The rest is fine.
  • Step 2: It needs a bit of work in the prose department, but the general idea is good. Don't forget to change some simple words like beaten= overcome. This part "discuss our issues with leaving the site" sounds bad, how about something like "discuss the severe withdrawal effects induced by leaving the site." The end of the last sentence of the paragraph sounds weird too. Maybe briefly describe what happens at a reunion, maybe a stupid citation like:
“Once, my girlfrend was screaming at me to come because (find a REALLY urgent situation, I can't think of one right now), but I had to finish one or 2 paragraphs first. She died.”
~ Recovering addict
  • Step 3: The false links for the hours thing are hilarious! Good thinking. Maybe you could start this by saying an hardcore addict spends 28 hours a day on Uncy.
  • Step 4: I reworded a sentence, I am not sure 100% it's good, but it sounds better than what was already there (me talk Francais, moi avoir little problems with la grammar). I don't know if it would be good to replace Wikipedia with another site? Maybe 4chan or a porn site... (not too confident about that suggestion though). Some people here seem to hate lists. Not me, but I believe the second, the fifth and the last one suck. The last one has potential, but the ending isn't good.
  • Step 5: Maybe you could say in a lulzy way at the end is to put a hammer in your PC or something. I added a little something there.
  • Step 6: That's good.

That would be great to have a section saying: tou can cure your addiction by getting an infinite ban and invent a lulzy scenario of a guy getting banned, with much drama! You could also say there is a wiki-website (invent a lulzy name) for those who want to beat their addiction (therefore getting hooked to another site!)

Concept: 8.5 The concept is awesome, and very topical: after all we all are dependent lol, and the casual readers of the site will think, it's true, this site is addictive. So it's good all the way.
Prose and formatting: 5.5 I corrected some typos in there.

There are a lot of repetitions, the most striking being the words addiction, addict and addicted, who are repeated a gazillion times and are starting to be annoying real quick. There are synonyms you could use to replace some of them with:

  1. Addiction: dependency, compulsion, obsession
  2. Addicted: Dependent, hooked
  3. Addict: junkie, Uncy abuser.

I'm sure there are others.

There sure are a lot of other places were there's repetitions, the best would be to have a synonym dictionary opened in another app as you review your text so you can check it easily. The sentence; "See now don't you feel so much better for admitting it? Now if you feel strong enough to continue, you should continue on to step 2. " Has 2 "continue really close" replace one of the with "move on", "take a hike" or something.

I don't understand this sentence in step 5: "and if you can clisk that cross when you tell yourself to, you're over your addiction to Uncyclopedia and a congradulate you!" I'm pretty sure it's "click" instead of "click" and that there is a fuck-up at the end with the congratulate thing, but the sentence is just badly constructed.

The formatting is top-notch, nothing to whine about here.

Images: 7 I think you should consider opening the article with a pic to the right that would present the article in a lulzy way. Suggestion: a pic of a junky injecting himself where it is written Uncyclopedia on the syringe, along with a lulzy caption. Make the pic big if you add it, like 300 px.

The weakest pic is the second one in my view. You could add one with a totally fucked up person, a bit like this one, with a funny caption. If you think it sucks, Qvfd it:

Meth-junkie before after

Before and after using Uncy.

The other 2 are great.

Miscellaneous: 7.63415367 I don't need to give a reason.
Final Score: 35.63415367 I think when you take care of the damning "addict" thing repetition, the article will improve a lot. I suggested a lot of things to help, but it doesn't mean to do exactly what I say, take the concepts/sentences you find funny, trash the rest. In other words, don't blame me if it sucks LOL. Nah, I don't think it will suck if you follow my suggestions and add some stuff of your own, the key is to spend time on it.

Sorry I don't say often "good job" in my Pee Reviews, it's because I guess people want to know what needs improvement, not a 500 word compliment. I enjoyed it, but you can improve it, Snowman! It's a good thing you decided to write. I hope it helped, tell me when you think you're through polishing it, I may help some more.

Reviewer: Snowflake mini Mattsnow 11:02, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
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