Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Break Your Addiction to Uncyclopedia
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- I've got this, it'll be ready in 2 days maximum. I'm also addicted I'm afraid, my solution would be to throw my PC out the window. Mattsnow 00:15, June 23, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||First, it's so fucking true this site is addictive, I never go to other sites (except porn, of course.)
“I lost my job, my wife and my house, but I still have my PC and an Internet connection. No big deal.”
“Once, my girlfrend was screaming at me to come because (find a REALLY urgent situation, I can't think of one right now), but I had to finish one or 2 paragraphs first. She died.”
That would be great to have a section saying: tou can cure your addiction by getting an infinite ban and invent a lulzy scenario of a guy getting banned, with much drama! You could also say there is a wiki-website (invent a lulzy name) for those who want to beat their addiction (therefore getting hooked to another site!)
|Concept:||8.5||The concept is awesome, and very topical: after all we all are dependent lol, and the casual readers of the site will think, it's true, this site is addictive. So it's good all the way.|
|Prose and formatting:||5.5||I corrected some typos in there.
There are a lot of repetitions, the most striking being the words addiction, addict and addicted, who are repeated a gazillion times and are starting to be annoying real quick. There are synonyms you could use to replace some of them with:
I'm sure there are others.
There sure are a lot of other places were there's repetitions, the best would be to have a synonym dictionary opened in another app as you review your text so you can check it easily. The sentence; "See now don't you feel so much better for admitting it? Now if you feel strong enough to continue, you should continue on to step 2. " Has 2 "continue really close" replace one of the with "move on", "take a hike" or something.
I don't understand this sentence in step 5: "and if you can clisk that cross when you tell yourself to, you're over your addiction to Uncyclopedia and a congradulate you!" I'm pretty sure it's "click" instead of "click" and that there is a fuck-up at the end with the congratulate thing, but the sentence is just badly constructed.
The formatting is top-notch, nothing to whine about here.
|Images:||7||I think you should consider opening the article with a pic to the right that would present the article in a lulzy way. Suggestion: a pic of a junky injecting himself where it is written Uncyclopedia on the syringe, along with a lulzy caption. Make the pic big if you add it, like 300 px.
The weakest pic is the second one in my view. You could add one with a totally fucked up person, a bit like this one, with a funny caption. If you think it sucks, Qvfd it:
The other 2 are great.
|Miscellaneous:||7.63415367||I don't need to give a reason.|
|Final Score:||35.63415367||I think when you take care of the damning "addict" thing repetition, the article will improve a lot. I suggested a lot of things to help, but it doesn't mean to do exactly what I say, take the concepts/sentences you find funny, trash the rest. In other words, don't blame me if it sucks LOL. Nah, I don't think it will suck if you follow my suggestions and add some stuff of your own, the key is to spend time on it.
Sorry I don't say often "good job" in my Pee Reviews, it's because I guess people want to know what needs improvement, not a 500 word compliment. I enjoyed it, but you can improve it, Snowman! It's a good thing you decided to write. I hope it helped, tell me when you think you're through polishing it, I may help some more.
|Reviewer:||Mattsnow 11:02, June 23, 2011 (UTC)|