Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Become a legend
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Second-time around submitting! Brianrein 03:49, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
Brianrein 03:49, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||7||Not bad at all, some good lines and ideas, but I just feel there's more to be got out of this, and so this score is in anticipation of how it could improve.|
|Concept:||8||I like the concept here, there's plenty of potential to play with, and no shortage of material to work with either. I do feel that you haven't explored enough of this, which helps to explain the score I'm giving. I'm including a few suggestions below, but basically, I like what you've got here, and would like to see a bit more added to it. Perhaps I'm greedy...|
|Prose and formatting:||7||For the most part, the prose and formatting are fine. But that quiz bit at the end is a non-starter. Mention a couple of great last words, by all means, but asking who said them is pointless, doesn't add to the article, and isn't funny. Instead, try suggesting ways to come up with memorable last words of your own, and perhaps suggest a few good and bad ideas. Bad ideas are easier to come by, of course. "Shop at Joe's!" "I'm sure ketchup's not supposed to taste like that." Etc Etc. But that kind of thing has more funny potential than what you currently have.
Also, while the formatting is competent, it doesn't help the article as much as it could. For instance: you mention three steps in the intro, then have 4 steps mentioned below. Consider using level three headings (===these fellows===) for the first three steps, under the blanket header "Elemental Steps" or something. Then have a summary section at the foot of this, which prevents people doing what I did - missing your last line after step 3 and wondering why there's a 4th step here! Formatting is your friend, use it to make sure your article reads properly.
|Images:||7.5||Several images that are relevant and well captioned. Good stuff. There may be room for one more - there definitely will if you add a bit more content as I hope you will. None of the images add funny of themselves, but they work well with the article. So that gets what is quite a good score from me.|
|Miscellaneous:||7.4||Averaged via the legend of pee.|
|Final Score:||36.9||OK, you've got a decent little article here. A few changes could make it really quite good. Change the ending, for example, as mentioned in the prose section above. Take my suggestions below into account, and basically have a bit more fun with it. And let me know when you think you're done - I'd like to see what you do with this!|
|Reviewer:||--SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:44, Mar 3|
OK, I think you have the right steps here, but just need to go a little further with them. There are enough legends out there to work with, so bung a few more in there, for instance. And take the idea of examples, plus good and bad suggestions, that I suggested in the prose section, and apply it to each section. You can have a bit of fun thinking of good and bad eccentricities to suggest, I'm sure!
Also, I think it would be good to add a line or two to the intro to explain what is meant by "legend", as opposed to "ludicrous micro celebrity trying desperately to extend their 15 minutes of fame!"
Hope you find this helpful - I definitely think you're on the right lines! And remember, this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:44, Mar 3