A little backstory. This article was originally a shit stub I found on VFD. The absurdity of the title made me chuckle, so I rewrote it completely (conservation week and all). This is my very first article, but don't feel you have to go easy on me. If it's still shit, tell me how to fix it. Oh, and thanks to MrN9000 for helping me with formatting and such.Optimuschris 14:47, 8 March 2008 (UTC)
Really funny, I especially liked that it was quite subtle, meaning that, ironically, your reader has to have intelligence slightly greater than that of a starfish to find it funny. Although it almost seems mean destroying this guys life for no real reason, now that I’ve stopped laughing, and had time to reflect, it’s quite sad.
I liked how you managed to spin out ‘hitting yourself with a brick’ over nine days; that takes real skill. And the side story of stealing his life and mum/mom gave it a little extra something.
Prose and formatting:
Almost perfect I’d say, except for a few non-sequiturs like mentioning “that guy who married [readers] mom” and then you marrying her eight days later, although that’s not particularly important. Also the common expression is ‘playing with traffic’ not in, but again I’m just being pedantic.
Some of them are quite good but I think the article could probably use more, definitely one of a particularly ordinary brick just as an example for the reader and maybe left align a couple more, that’ll make it a bit nicer looking. I have the same problem of not having a good photo shop so I just take ordinary pictures and make them funny with the caption, like what, I presume, you’ve done.
(I averaged the score of the other fields). Vaseline doesn’t actually have much of a smell, unless my sense of smell is gone.
I really liked it! It flowed nicely and the tone was just right, like I said made me laugh out loud, congratulations on your first article too, I posted my first just a few days ago and this is actually my first pee review so I hope it you found it helpful. Have fun!