Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Be Homeless in America

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


edit HowTo:Be Homeless in America

I would appreciate a detailed review. If you only do short reviews, or reviews that say things like "parts of this section were funny and parts were not" without giving details, please feel free to review another article for someone who's really looking for that as I'm not. Thanks for understanding. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 01:25, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

I've got this one, rejoice. 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 11:04, October 27, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 The humour in your article is pretty good and is only held back by a couple of small problems. The first difficulty I noticed is that you seem unsure of the best way to approach the humour, a HowTo is usually an explanation of the best way to carry out an action, what you seem to be advising is the benefits of being homeless, thus the title doesn't really seem to fit the article. You could change the text in the article and narrate in this style "Now I know this looks like a dumpster, but it's actually a piece of prime real-estate for a homeless person, food is delivered to you everyday and you even have cleaners! I think you had better hop in before someone else steals this incredible find from you. No I'm not going to join you, not while you are still moving in." That is more in the style of a How To, rather than simply presenting the dumpster as a place to live, it involves the reader in the article and focuses on how they will move into a dumpster. Your humour seems to vary between this style and simply explaining what all these things are and the benefits of moving into all of them. The enduring style at the moment is more like a Why? I would recommend you fix that up, it doesn't effect the enjoyability of the article too much and could be swiftly solved with a couple of changes and by moving the article to the Why? section. The only other problem I could see was with a couple of the jokes. The idea of relating the later parts of the article to the response to the quiz questions is a good idea, just make sure the quiz itself doesn't just feel like a time-consuming way of setting up one of the weaker jokes, try to work on the questions in the quiz, or at least utilise the results abit more, it just felt a bit weak to me.
Concept: 7 The concept is a good one, while not totally original it is good enough for me. As I said above your tone is closer to that of a Why? than a HowTo, but it all still fits. My recommendation with your tone would be to utilise it to talk down to the reader a bit more, use this {{Username}} template. This idea is done a lot, for the simple reason it is a brilliant way of making an article like this more amusing, I personally think some of the funniest HowTo's are the one's that have utilised it the best. Take a look at this article if you aren't sure what I'm getting at. Even if you don't want to use the username template you should still work at bringing out the idea that the reader is an idiot with your tone, don't be explicit, be subtle. Saying things like "But that won't interest you, because you are an idiot" sounds unproffessional and unfunny, whereas saying "But that won't be of any interest to you, you don't need anyone to tell you what to do, do you? I thought not, now go and punch that Police officer."
Prose and formatting: 9 The prose are absolutely fine, jolly good show with the spelling and such. There is some excess American-ness in your spellings, but I will let that go because I'm such a forgiving type. What loses you the mark is the image formatting. I know you were running out of room towards the bottom of the article, but you should always avoid perching one image on top of another one, it looks untidy (more on those images below). Otherwise there aren't any major problems, the text is broken up nicely, I would suggest that you avoid squeezing text between two images, it looks scruffy. However I am nit-picking now, you have done well on this one overall.
Images: 9 You lose the mark here for your image formatting problems, sort that and you will be fine. As to the two images which are causing the problems, I really liked the image of the Shanty Town and I would suggest that you scrap the one above it, this would give you soom room to move everything round and sort any lingering formatting issues. Your captions are fine but remember to keep them up to date should you change the tone of the article.
Miscellaneous: 8 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 40 There were some problems with this one, but midway through writing the humour section the thought occured to me that if I was looking that hard to find stuff to complain about then I was probably ignoring the fact that the article is pretty good and enjoyable to read. My main advice is to fix up the tone and the other small problems that are causing you some problems. Most of the changes required here are very small unless you want to be drastic in your implementation of changes. You know where to find me if you need to ask me anything, but for convenience click here. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 14:06, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
Personal tools