Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Be Emo
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My first proper article. I took a few (and I mean only a few) elements from the previous one, which was terrible... I think I did a good job, but want a second opinion, please. Oh yeah, by the way, I have a fetish for urine - so go nuts.
Sakrotac 17:34, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
- I'd like to review this one. Mostly because of the urine fetish (and I like the article too). --Nachlader 23:43, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Yes! Ahem. I mean, great article, I loved it. I'd say the humour thrives more on the fact that the joke works more than it is hilarious, but that is exceptional considering the former state of this article. Bonus scoring for picking the right humour tools here. Reversing the role of being an emo, as some kind of super awesome person in society who leads a happy life discussing the fruitful side of life, works superbly. It doesn't necessate random humour and the concept becomes comparatively easier.
Compared with the obvious other choice for emo-related humour on Uncyclopedia, emo (and other crap, such as Emo Jesus or something), your article runs clear in terms of concept, execution and humour. Just as well, the other emo article makes users sad anyway (and thus actually showing people ho to become an emo). This on the other hand is very well written and conceived.
I must confess however, I cannot suggest much. Not to say it doesn't need to be improved, but because my mind is slow this evening. Apologies in advance.
|Concept:||8||This article is happy (anyway), mainly because of it's concept and clever planning. More than just presenting an emo as a happy person, the idea continues to excell through being presented as a HowTo: article, with different sections outlining image, activities and position in society. The concept of writing about emos is slightly dulled, however, although that is because emo is a pretty typical subject to write about on Uncyclopedia, considering the mad rush for newbies to edit the other emo article.
There isn't much I can suggest to make the concept better. Maybe discuss historic methods in a "History of becoming an emo" section? This could make the Piccasso image more at home too, and take advantage of depressed people in the past.
|Prose and formatting:||8||The only concern here is the amount of words that some of the sections boast, but apart from that, the prose here is very nice. The sections are doled out for the reader in good chronological order, the choice of words that contrary the negativity that is conceived of emos is music to my ears (or eyes. Okay, it's gold to my eyes or something similar), the two lists are excellently positioned for one-liner opportunties (and yet you succeeded in adding more than just one liner per bullet point anyway), paragraphs are wealthy in content and no shorter in jokes (the "emoticon" sum is genius), different aspects of the typical emo is explored and... Well I could go on. In short, this article is a model for proper organisation of prose in Uncyclopedia.
There isn't much I can suggest, and nothing I think that deserves a swift rewrite in this section anyway. To get a 9 you'd have to show that each section shows a considerably impressive amount of content (for example, you could expand on "a reason to be an emo", it doesn't have to be 999 reasons, just three maybe. Or just forego the list altogether and just add another line or two). And to get a 10... Well you'd have to write as well as anything I've seen for internet standards.
|Images:||7||Four images supplied. Perfectly adequate for an article on this length. Some of them are great, could do with some rearranging on either left or right sides. However, I'm a bit unsure about the first image of Pablo Picasso spearheading the whole article. Yes, it's a nice image of him when he reveled in having bangs over one of his eyes and turning the frown upside down (if you pardon the expression) to make him look happy rather than, well, an emo. However, my only concern is, although this is just nitpicking, he was more of a existantial nihilist, considering his artistic skill, and goes above the conclave of emo society. After all, emos are a figment of modern times. I would suggest thinking whether or not you could choose a better image. The Picasso image however is still good, it could be placed in the "introduction" section maybe? "An emo in history" sort of thing.
The other images are good, and I'm being brave here, especially the second.
|Final Score:||38.75||I think it's an excellent article overall. I don't know about it becoming a VFH in it's current state, considering it's a bit of an expected feature for this sort of article. But I would certainly vote for it (I have something against nominating stuff myself; laziness mostly) after it's had a few changes made.
Again, very well done, I'm looking forward to your next project!
|Reviewer:||--Nachlader 20:37, 17 November 2008 (UTC)|