Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Be A Supervillain (quick look)
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So yeah, a PLS runner-up mainspaced with indecent haste and popped in here for one of these here new-fangled quick reviews. So, just a pointer towards any sections that don't work, or need attention, would be appreciated. Ta! --UU - natter 08:11, Aug 14
- I'll have a look, for now enjoy Noel with this coupon — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:35, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
For a bumming session with Noel Fielding
|Humour:||7||Very good throughout, with a good concepts and pace flowing though all the sections. I would say however that you've stuck to generic comic villains - rather than perhaps ones that go beyond convention. Or example you go though the fashions, however many of the superheroes (the antithetical characters) seem to embody many of the Supervillians style; Spawn for example is often morally ambiguous, others such as the crow, Hellboy etc (don't get me going:)). I think it could be very funny for the villain like narrator (fab touch that by the way) to suggest more subtle approaches such as being a bit of an angel so that you will deceive the innocent rather than the heroes which counter the villains by becoming lie them to counter them on there own terf as it were. I would sort of bring in a Machiavellian theme where the Super villain narrator advises more subtle approaches - these charter types have been in place for some time and it could be a nice slant on the topic.
You run though the steps and use subsections to fill out these steps = perfect, but I think that the manual working from the beginning somewhat hampers it - I would go from being something of a failed supervillan to showing tips on becoming some kind of antihero charter, basically I would make the end much closer to the beginning. I would say that it does drag a little toward the end - I think this is a more of a formatting issue rather than a writing one (which is as always top notch).
Throughout the bringing of secret lairs, names, etc all good - Again I would emphasize that with a very fantasy driven topic it's better to make it a bit exadurated (more so) or perhaps bring it into the conventional sphere of life to contrast the fantasy for humour effect; I like the old biddy bit, but it's the only bit that really breaks the mold - I think it would be an idea to keep the conventions of supervillans more contrasting ideas and plot to make it funnier. The images are funny and add well to the topic, probably needs a couple more which I'll go into further below.
|Concept:||8||Very good indeed, unrecognizable to the awful original. Well written and accessible - good stuff. I think that’s it's a lot more of VFH cert that many. You have a really good knack of balancing out ideas and bring an accessible article. No gripes here - it's more a case of fine tuning.|
|Prose and formatting:||6.5||This is a difficult thing to define but the pace and formatting are not quite right - the whole thing needs a bit of re structuring. This is difficult to describe but for example with one of my own Battleship Potemkin - you kind of see the images all spaced right and the whole thing tighter and more pulled together; which is not happening here. from "Perfect you monologues" it seems not to flow right. Similarly the first section the How to and the image look a bit off, this is more a dusting off issue which should go with a bit of fiddling extra image etc. I don't like the "Tip" bit - the never look quite right and for me its becoming ever more preferable to do away with any stuff like that. They spoil the look and flow to the writing. The little tacked on note at the end seems a bit of a poor end - I would re think how you close it off so that readers will be giving a solid sense of conclusion to the piece. I think "Step 5 - Perfect Those Monologues!"
Could be 'Soliloquy' or 'Asides' as monologue implies a re telling to the audience, Supervillans tend to express quite narcissistic edge or reveal thoughts to audiences though asides (in plays as in scripts - Richard the third etc).
With regard to spelling, you're a pro and it show throughout, some of the little bits of direct speech seem a little off (this is very much my preference though) for example: (and they're bound to be, right?) - Similarly the speech marks should be added if used, so it looks a bit more like ('and they're bound to be, right?'). This is the only gripe with grammar/spelling. Otherwise top notch stuff.
|Images:||8||no problems here, the on at the top could be larger and the ugly template moved somewhere unobtrusive - all the captions add well and there’s no complaints there either – another image towards the bottom could be good.|
|Miscellaneous:||7.5||Great work - you know what you're about with articles and it shows, other than the niggly bits I think this will do great on VFH.|
|Final Score:||37||I hope this has been helpful, I know you said about short review or something, but I’m stuck in my ways I suppose. Should you need anything just leave a note;)|
|Reviewer:||— Sir Sycamore (talk) 14:24, 19 August 2008 (UTC)|