Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Be A King
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A collaborative effort of Sog1970 and myself. Enjoy.• FreddAin't Dedd • • • 15:47 • Sunday, 17-01-2010
|Hi there! This big ol' grin must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
• • •
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider
GOING AWAY and REVIEWING SOMETHING ELSE).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing
at 10:24, January 18, 2010 (UTC)
feel free to remove it and give Necropaxx a swift kick up the butt for being such a loser).
- 24 hours. • • • Monday, 10:24, Jan 18 2010
- 2 hours to spare! Woo! And now, to bed. • • • Tuesday, 08:21, Jan 19 2010
|Humour:||9||Well, let me start out by saying congratulations. You two have given me a very entertaining read. There's not a lot to say here, because your humor is so spot on that there is actually very little to pick at. Well, I'll try anyway.
Intro: Yes. This is perfect. This sets the tone for the article and does it well. You make good use of the Rule of Three, prompting me to issue forth a smirk.
Look, Eat, etc., like a king: These are all very well developed. They're not too short, and the jokes aren't overused at all. One question: At the start of "Eat Like A King," the sentence goes, "Id est, eat like a pig, me lord." What's "Id est"? It greatly discombobulated me. Other than that, this whole section is very funny. My favorite part? "...the Dark Sorcerer Bulboragthé, King of Belgium."
Slay the Dragon: This section isn't as perfect as the earlier ones, but no matter: they are easily fixed. The "piece of white bread" joke kind of fell flat for me. I'd suggest making it into a more recognizable cake or pie analogy. You've also got some strange capitalization and punctuation issues ("Gold or Diamond" and commas where there ought to be colons). But they're minor. Another joke that kind of died at the end for me was, "...and thou canst call forth all kings of the world to feast upon the dragon's meat, then mmhmmhmm with their queens whilst they eat like pigs." Apart from my overly sensitive censorship, "eat like pigs" just doesn't have the punch that I was expecting from such a buildup. Make it, I dunno... punchier! "eat like pigs" doesn't seem as bad as I was expecting, you know?
War & Taxes: Very good. No complaints.
Ditto for Crush the Rebellion.
The end: A very solid ending to a very funny article. The only question I had in my mind was how the advisor was still alive. But it was an idle thought, and not enough to bother me. Scarce worth mentioning, really.
|Concept:||9||Very nice idea: I was jealous, so you get points. This reads like a biography of Henry VIII, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. :) You've covered every exploit a good king ought to have participated in, and in style, too. If I may, however, I would like to say that once I got the article's concept, there were no real surprises. It was kind of like Avatar: Great experience, but also very predictable. That's not to say it ruined the rest of the article! On the contrary, the writing style itself was rife with clever one-liners and hilarious build-ups. Still, I would have liked to see something a little fresh. The trouble is I have no idea how you would do that without breaking from the tone (AVOID AVOID AVOID). So I consider it a next-to-non-issue.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Part of this score is justified; the other part is simply to offset all these amazing scores I'm giving you (and deservedly so). This section is the article's biggest problem area. More specifically, the grammar is oftentimes lacking, and even kills a few of the jokes. It happens pretty darn often, too. It's a real (the only real) turnoff. I like the old English narration, but... you kinda need to know how to use it. THERE I SAID IT. However... here's where I can actually help. I've got 17 years experience with the King James Version of the Bible & Book of Mormon - I know my old English. I'll pop in and do a grammar check soon as I can.|
|Images:||8||OK, first off, the first picture = ewwww. But I suppose it's unavoidable, and works pretty well as an introduction to the article. The other pictures are also very good. I laughed out loud at the goat picture caption. The only other suggestion I would make is to format one of the images so that it is on the left side of the article. Right now with only one image left-formatted it looks unbalanced. I'd do either the treasure one or the peasant revolt one. Other than that, your images are great. (bonus points for King Lear)|
|Miscellaneous:||9||My overall grade for the article.|
|Final Score:||41||Such a pleasure to review an article that doesn't need reviewing. ;) Also, expect to see a familiar-looking VFH nom soon. :D|
|Reviewer:||• • • Tuesday, 08:21, Jan 19 2010|