Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Be A Damsel In Distress
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Rough draft that needs some populist guidance--21:51, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Consistently funny. Not much that can really be done to improve the humour in this as what you have works so well. However as I’ll explain you need a conclusion, which should preferably have a good joke in it, though I’m unsure of what to suggest.|
|Concept:||8||It’s clear you had a very good idea of what you were doing with this and it seems together nicely without going overboard or feeling left short. It’s actually one of the best examples of blurring fantasy and reality I’ve seen in a very long time. Also nicely played was the cultural differences between western an eastern damsels, I actually thought it was good how you had the crass tentacle rape bit. Well done. I’m slightly jealous.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Score slightly marked down here because of formatting which I’ll explain in a minute.
You’re actual writing was consistently very good, you used interesting language and everything seemed to be spelled correctly (though if spelling is a worry for you ask someone else to look it over as I can’t spell very well.) I do have a few minor gripes though. One of them being your utter lack of conclusion; the article just ends, even a few lines to sum up the article would help this tremendously.
Use “and” not “&” in sentences. When I read “&” in my head I hear “8-taking-a-shit”, which ruins the flow of it all.
Something that kind of annoyed me was almost all of you’re bolded words would be better in italics as they are meant for emphasis, bold makes things stand out and constantly pulls the eye towards it, occasionally spoiling a joke.
You also seem to be a little short on links too. Remember they don’t have to link to the words you use, in fact they can be better used to create a non-sequitor (for example).
You’re formatting needs some real help as it makes the article look a bit slap dash (even though it isn’t). First have the strip starting at the top of the article. I’d also get rid of the contents table by using the __NOTOC__ code. My own preference is to have the HowTo/Why? template at the top but here it makes the article looked crushed, move it to the bottom next to that conclusion you’re going to write.
|Images:||8.5||Great use of images here! I love the strip down the left side – that adds a great touch to the article (though as I’ve mentioned it would be better to have it starting at the top to reduce white space).
The rest of the pictures were good, the first one almost looks out of place being the only non-comic-ey thing, but I’d still keep it.
After you’ve written a conclusion to this and sorted out the formatting I think this might be VFH material. You certainly have my vote anyway. Great article thanks! :D
|Final Score:||38.13||If you’d like to ask/insult/thank me about any of this please feel free to come visit my talk page.|
|Reviewer:||~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:46 24 January 2009|