Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Achieve World Domination in a Recession

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edit HowTo:Achieve World Domination in a Recession

I need this reviewed even though it is incomplete. Just review what's been done so far, and when I'm finished I'll request another Review. Thanks! Bad Shroom 20:51, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

I've got this one, 24 hours please.--ChiefjusticeDS 20:21, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5 Right, your jokes and style are by no means bad, but do need some more work. My first criticism is that your method for presenting the jokes, often means that your punchlines feel substandard. Instead of talking to the reader as an equal why not experiment with using a style that implies that the reader is an idiot. If, as you seem to be suggesting, the reader is already some sort of evil genius, then why do they need to know what the government will do to them? If you like this style then you could at least imply that the reader is not a very good villain. As demonstrated in this article, and in the majority of featured How To's some of the best humour comes from being implicitly patronising to the reader, you should definitely check out some of them before you continue with this one. If you don't want to make any changes to the article's style of humour then you still need to take a look at a couple of your jokes. Firstly try to make your examples feasible in a real world sense, for example, while the suggestion that you could conquer the world by dividing by zero is quite amusing, it should not form an entire section, since people will have done it themselves. Try to be as creative as you possibly can, because you have a very flexible concept to work with here.
Concept: 8 As I said above, there is an awful lot you can do with the concept for this one and I think you should definitely put some more energy into making sure that what you have here already makes use of all of it. The sections all feel pretty solid but some parts feel as though they are missing something, be it more humour or just a new direction, put some time into thinking about this. As far as your tone goes you are pretty consistent with it but should make sure that if you are going to address the reader that you don't make it an occasional occurrence but rather a frequent feature of the article, as if you are going to involve the reader then you should try to make something of it rather than just occasionally, this isn't much of a problem and really comes back to examining unexplored potential in the article.
Prose and formatting: 7 OK, as far as your spelling and grammar goes you do pretty well, just make sure you watch out for sentence division and typo's. Make sure you proofread carefully after every edit, if you are particularly picky, or at least very carefully after finishing. However, you don't really need to change much in that regard, just keep it up as you continue with the article. Your formatting needs some work, your text is broken pretty well but you should make sure this keeps up. Your images are OK but you need to make sure that you make them larger, they don't need to be too much bigger but, it would be an idea to increase the size a bit. Also, keep an eye out for parts where the images squeeze the text in, you have plenty of room in the instance where it happens to move the image, so make use of it.
Images: 8 Your images are pretty good, but the captions need to conform to the tone of the rest of the article. When you change the humour in the rest of the article make sure the captions go with it, for example, you could change the firt image's caption to something like:"Calm yourself, we'll get started right away". Just make sure the captions work, as a caption can make or break an image.
Miscellaneous: 7 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 35 Your article has potential in spades and I hope you come to realise this when you complete it. Try to bear some of my comments in mind but remember that the article is yours to change. Be creative and try to come up with new ways to explore the potential for excellence you have here. If you have any questions, queries or comments then feel free to address them to my talk page. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 20:10, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
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