Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Homeland Security

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edit Homeland Security

SilveryMinnow 03:37, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 5 There's a chuckle or two here, but nothing brilliant.
Concept: 3 Now here's where the problem is: there isn't really a strong concept here. What you should do is pick some sort of overall direction and make a more coherent article. If that means you have to trash some of the existing material, that's fine; nobody will object to you squelching a bunch of poorly thought out gags in favour of well thought out ones.
Prose and formatting: 4 Too many lists, too many red links. Check spelling of red links; where others don't work think to yourself - "Is anyone really going to write an article about General Aleksandr V. Karpos?" Also, if you can't link to what you want, you can always link to something similar, eg, [[Fascism|Neo-Fascism]]; [[Texas|Texas Dept of Public Safety]] and so on.

Some of the other grammar needs fixing up too; too many fragmentary sentences and paragraphs going nowhere.

Images: 4 Some are relevant, none are all that funny.
Miscellaneous: 4 Averaged out other scores.
Final Score: 20 I gather that you wanted someone to look only at the parts of the article you wrote. That's not really how it works. People looking at an article are going to see it as a whole thing, and so should you, which means either keeping to the style and subject of the article as it is, or rewriting it to make it your own. In some cases, the latter would not be recommended, but in this case go nuts.

I hope you find this constructive rather than discouraging criticism; you've clearly put a lot of work into this, and if you some more in, you could well make something good.

Reviewer: --Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 04:05, 22 April 2008 (UTC) This box is for the reviewer's signature.
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