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I rewrote this article from its total randomosity and little stoned-ness into something less random and more stoned-out. It's had two review already; searching for a fourth opinion. See what you make of it. Thanks! • • • 22:00, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||8.5||Humour is entirely subjective, but from my point of view, the humour in this article was pretty good.
The first paragraph set up very nicely the overall tone of this article, save for the inconsistency mentioned in Prose. I was interested in how you ripped humour from what hippies stood for (Fighting the Power, not working for The Man). My favourite quip from this section was how Hippies were “Interested in drugs and sex, and often confused the two”. Connecting them to the Overpopulation crises was well placed and humourous. The Black Hippies section was an excellent addition, and that add-in about them being a subsubspecie was good enough to elict a smile. Ending the paragraph with fo’ shizzle also yanked a smile out of me.
Very good section in here, particulally with linking all those band together in such a short period of time. While it DID feel a bit rushed, as I mentioned, you did a lot of writing and information in a short time. I did get the feeling that you could pack in a small joke about how the Hippies choice in music contributed to their behaviours. The blatant image change on the Beatles picture was not missed on me, but that will be covered in images.
As I believe I mentioned, this section is a bit choppy based upon how short the sentences were compared to the rest of the article. While this section DID manage to continue to be funny (The mention of the Governments “Make America Safe for Drugs” actually managed to make me laugh, causing everyone in the nearby room to stare at me, excellent crack there. I guess that, in retrospect, it is good that the sentences were shortened in this particular section, owing to the obvious excitement of the hippie being referred to.
Well, this section wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t great. The only joke I actually found that I really liked was the part as to “why you are so messed up.” Save for that, there were no real, great, outstanding jokes. I did try to laugh at the production of hippie babies, which I think can say, but this section could us a joke as to WHY the women are so attracted to the distinct Body Odor of a male hippie.
Again, not outstanding. My guess is that, by this point, you were beginning to get a bit tired with writing this whole article. The rest of the article stayed… about as solid as it is right now. The jokes stayed funny throughout the article, but as I said, you got tired.
|Concept:||8||While I believe I mostly covered Concept while reviewing humour, I will summarise in this section. You are playing very well with the wiggle room presented by this article. I enjoyed how you implemented the speech style of the hippies into the article, and how, even in the “serious” parts, and I enjoyed the obvious amount of work put into this article. The only reason I bumped the score down a bit was due to the slow decrease as humor went down. It is perfectly fine (in my opinion) to have a bit of a lag in the middle of the article, but to decrease as the article goes on gets boring, and the reader clicks on a link to go somewhere else.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I judged this section first because it was the one that stood out the most. Throughout the article, the term “Hippies” sees inconsistent capitalisation. In the opening (The quotes), you refer to hippies by having the first one lower cased, and the same holds true for the rest of the quotes. After that, I got to the first sentence, and Hippies was UPPER cased. A bit later in the same paragraph, it reverted to no caps. Save for the capitalisation problems, the rest of the article is not too bad in the prose department. While the Hippie dialect DID get a bit annoying, I completely understand your reason for choosing to write the article in this specific tone. The section in the “Tripping Drugs” did sound a bit grammatically butchered, but again, for good reason. While the prose score does hurt a bit, I think that you did do a good job with the article, and the prose helped with the humour score.|
|Images:||7||Meh, only one complaint in this department. The opening image of the hippie set a well-placed tone for this article, and had a nice, humourous caption. The valley effect caused by the pictures of the Beatles and the Black Hippie did cause a small snag. I red from left to right, and therefore, I paid attention to the Beatles picture before I looked at the Black Hippie picture, which, when reading the text, seemed a bit inconsistent. I would recommend flipping the images (Black hippie on left, Beatles on right) to avoid further confusion for future readers.|
|Miscellaneous:||7.6||Avg’d as per Pee Review Guidelines|
|Final Score:||38.1||Well, you have a bit of work to do in this article. The things you need to patch up are as follows
Great article, great job, and thank you for the excellent read. Have a great day!
|Reviewer:||Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀12:44 June 10 2008|