Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hetalia: Axis Powers
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Atamette 19:55, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
- I love this anime, so yea, I'll review it. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 21:47, August 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Moved a copy here. --
|Humour:||2.5||So the absolute main problem with this article seems to be that there isn't...much humour. Kind of hitting the side of the barn with that problem, I know. However, the path that you are taking in presenting the show is not one that I would advise. Right now, it feels more like something I'd expect to see on a Hetalia wiki, not on uncyclopedia. You're telling information as it is and any jokes you do insert aren't funny, or seem vulgar and inappropriate. You also seem to be trying to use quotes from the creator of Hetalia as a source for humour. Can't really agree with this strategy as it seems more like you're just putting down info of the show and using others' statements to try and be funny. Instead, why not try actually talking about Hetalia as a whole and insert ironic jokes and sarcasm into the article, rather than just stating basic info about the show. For example, in your list of characters, you're just telling people basic stuff about the characters and the don't have any jokes. The jokes you do have seem forced and aren't really funny. That stuff about Germany for example, would be funny if it were how the actual character was like. Why not have something more relevant like, "Germany: A blond, blue eyed character with intense interest in fitness, order and secretly desires to crush France (don't we all). He also is a closed pervert, but hey, aren't all Germans?" Or Russia for example, "Russia- Portrayed as a platinum blond, blue eyed man that is always happy and nice. He is bland and uninteresting even when drinking vodka or starving his neighbors. Hetalia does not shy away from mentioning the atrocities Russia committed." Not too funny the way it is now, why not have something more like, "Russia- Portrayed as a platinum blond, blue eyed man that is always happy and nice, even when sober. He is bland, uninteresting and like all Russians, is kind of creepy to hang around with. Other countries are constantly reminding Russia of his atrocities against the former soviet states like Latvia and Estonia, but these stories only seem to excite Russia. Also carries a pickaxe meant to hit others with, hence it's a good idea to stay away from him, at all times
You're just kind of missing the chance to point out how the characters in Hetalia are just stereotype countries, like Canada, "Canada- Supposedly portrayed as a blond, blue eyed man who looks exactly like America yet invisible." Have something more like, "Canada- A blond, blue eyed man who looks exactly like America and like the Canada we all sort of know and maybe love, is weak, soft-spoken and invisible." I don't know, I hope you're getting the point I'm trying to make.
The overall point is that you should try to include your own jokes and interpretations of ironic things in the Hetalia series, rather than just blurting out facts and using slightly funny quotes by the creator to compensate for your lack of humour. Your inclusion of parts of the show aren't exactly that funny either, like that thing between France and England. Try creating your own humourous lines that jab at the heart of the stereotypes of the characters. It isn;t funny if you just recant lines from the show, you have to put some creativity into it. Do that, and the article will be a lot better.
Don't know about the Robot Chicken thing. The video is the only really funny part and that seems like you aren't really doing any work since the video does it for you. I'd suggest you get rid of this part and replace it with something about maybe the series continuing and it's popularity in America or something.
The spin off and remake thing was a good idea for the section, but you kind went somewhere else with it. It's really random to say the least and the picture doesn't have much relevance to it. I can't really say for certain the path you should take with it, but maybe you could instead say how actual historical things like the Iraq War or something were spin-offs by countries trying to change their character's personality in the series because its so popular with world leaders, or something like that.
|Concept:||6||Simply because I like Hetalia. Your execution of it's description, however, is less than acceptable to me personally. Follow the advice I present in the humour section and it should be a lot better.
The main thing I have to say is great creative. Don't just recant what you know about the show, put some ironic things that may or may not be true, but make sure they are relevant. Read some other articles on shows or whatever and see the path that they take. Do that and the article will be a ton lot better.
|Prose and formatting:||8||Your prose and formatting are possibly the best aspects of the article. I didn't notice and grammar errors, but I would read the article again just to make sure that I didn't miss anything. Formatting is good, although I never really agree with the placement of videos within articles. This issue is discussed more in the humour section, so look for it there.|
|Images:||4||The biggest problem with your images is that the captions suck, period. Sorry, but I tell it how it is, like Hetalia. For example, your first caption, "Human lives lost in World War II: 45 Million Civilians, 25 Million Soldiers." Not funny, but it could be. Maybe something more along the lines of, "Hetalia: Only the Japanese would find a way to parody a war that lost over 70 million lives," or something like, "Countless lives were lost and massive destruction that almost led to the end of Europe and East Asia was devastating, but Hetalia was worth the effort." I know there is an ultimate sentence to show the irony between a horrible war and a show that portrays it as a bunch of sissies fighting with skillets and sticks, but I just can't think of it....hopefully you'll be able to take off from where I've failed.
That second image is just strange. If you're going to have the caption read, "Hetlia's depiction of Japan, Germany, and Italy. Note: Italy is the one with the white flag and pasta strainer," At least photoshop a white flag and pasta strainer into Benito Mussolini's hands. If you aren't aware, we have some fantastic photo-shoppers on radical x's corner, although they all seem to have buggered off for the moment...hmm, well, I'm sure someone around here will answer the request if you put it in. Do that and this image and caption will be a lot better.
The third image with, "Though even fans admit Hetalia took it a little too far with the vicious attacks on the chairman of the subcommittee to amend the Anglo-Dutch Treaty's trading policies." I'm not sure where I saw the relevance in this caption. You never really discuss anything about it in the article and seems to wordy and frankly, unnecessary in some regards. The picture sort of confused me as well, are they giving Japan birthday presents or?...You really need to clarify this one. Can't really suggest an alternative since I'm not exactly sure what you were aiming for with this.
Really like the fourth image and I feel like the caption would be hilarious, except for one problem. I have no idea what relevance it has with that article section. I think it's great and you could easily include something about, idk, Greece and Japan or something that would make the image relevant. Keep the image, but add some sentences that explain why it;s there.
Fourth. So the image quality is good and I like the flag thing, but what's its relevance to the story? Not sure where the simpsons were tied into anything...either find another picture or include something in the article that will make it more relevant.
|Miscellaneous:||4||Put some more effort and work into this article and it will turn out a lot better, I assure you.|
|Final Score:||24.5||So that's about it. Hope I was able to help you out a bit. If you have any comments, questions, complaints, just leave it on my talkpage. Good luck with the article and hope to see a better, finished product sometime soon. Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 06:17, August 11, 2011 (UTC)|