Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hentai

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edit Hentai

I wrote this article fairly recently, however, due to the popular subject matter, it was quickly consumed by the wiki, and is no longer wholly mine. Some of the content added by other users is good, other content less so. I am submitting it here in the hope of wrapping all the mismatched fragments together into a coherent article. Carthago delenda est.

G'orzak the Dubious 02:27, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Mmm, I wont review this now as I can't be bothered. But I'd just like to say quickly solely from your comment that when you create an article that gets lots of edits, it's generally up to you to maintain it. removing the shit stuff as it comes in and allowing the good stuff to stay. Letting an article get edited unsupervised is just bad parenting. SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 07:37 20 July 2008
Humour: 3 As Orian mentioned, I'm going to review this without respect to who made what edits. Okay, the usual breakdown:
  • Lede - 0/10. The lede gets 0/10 because it's missing. All we have before the three sections is three templates. It's my opinion that there should never be more than one template at the beginning of a page (excepting, say, ICU, VFD, VFH, etc.) Pick between the "catgirls" and "tits on Uncyclopedia" template and delete the other one. I'd go with "tits," because it's a funnier template, but catgirls is more relevant. It's your choice.
As for the rest of the lede, you need one. Uncyclopedia is a parody of Wikipedia, and while this rule is flexible, it's most true for mainstream articles like "Hentai" - stuff Wikipedia does have a page about. Start with a sentence like: "Hentai is a Japanese art form that occupies 1.2 terabytes of the average nerd's hard drive." This article should really be in the third person, again, because it's a mainstream article on namespace. If you want to write an article in first person, I think it should be on a page Wikipedia would never have, like "My Hentai collection."
  • First off, you know why you're here: 2/10. This, really, is the lede (except that it's too short) - and I've already talked about my problems with it.
  • History of Hentai: 7/10. There are about a million Unyclopedia articles that begin by asserting that the subject was invented in a random year B.C. Peanut butter was invented in 12,362,236 B.C. The iPod was invented in 12 B.C. Get rid of that joke; it was never funny. If you have to say when it was invented, choose a time that's at least a little satirical - like "in 1926, by Walt Disney". If you want to keep the caveman theme, just say it was invented during the stone age. The joke about cavewomen looking like lasagna-meatloaf is kind of funny. The "run along the cliff wall" stuff is hilarious, but for God's sake don't end it with George Bush. History, by the way, should come after the Table of Contents, and should be in an actual section.
  • Types of Hentai/lede: 6/10. Short but serviceable. The "your face" joke is cute. The last sentence should probably read "can be combined" instead of "can combine," and otherwise be slightly rewritten for clarity.
  • Types of Hentai/Traditional: 4/10. Not that funny. Very short sections can be funny, but usually only after they follow one or two long sections.
Okay, I see that most of these sections are very short. That's not good. Short sections are a form of listcruft - a long hit-and-miss series of lists where jokes are almost always extremely sparse. My advice is to pick your favorite 3-5 of these, expand them, and delete the rest. Here's how I'd do it:
  • Traditional: delete, but there should be a section about "traditional" or "vanilla" hentai. Just some jokes about the mainstream stuff before we get into the weirder stuff.
  • Ecchi: expand, not because what's here is all that funny, but because everyone knows what it is. Make it funny.
  • Bakanyu: I don't get it. Delete.
  • Yuri: Keep and expand.
  • Yaoi: Make a brief mention of it in the Yuri section but otherwise delete.
  • Lolicon: DELETE IT. Making child porn funny is an extremely delicate art, and this is absolutely miles away from that.
  • Furry: Delete it. Let's save this for the "Furry" article.
  • Futanari: Delete it.
  • Guro: What the hell is going on here? Isn't Guro "erotic-grotesque" hentai? So why do we have the excessively large picture of vanilla hentai here? Delete it.
  • Omorashi: Delete.
  • Shit: Delete.
  • Gore: Delete.
  • Tentacle Rape: This might be one to expand, although as the link points out, we already have a pretty good article on it.
  • Shitting Dick Nipples: Oh, God. I don't know. I'm aware that this section and picture are going to be really funny to a lot of people. But that's pretty fucking grotesque. Well, it's up to you.

Okay, back to the review...

  • Anime: 1/10 This whole section consists of repeating a meme popular on ED, dropping in a pile of listcruft, and walking away. There are no jokes here at all unless one is unfamiliar with the "rule 34" meme, and even then, it's not that funny. Get rid of this.
  • Conclusion: 0/10. This article shouldn't be in the first person, and most of this section is just vandalism.

In conclusion, the article gets a 3/10. I nearly laughed out loud at the "running along a cliff wall" joke, but there were absolutely no other memorable jokes in here. There need to be.

Concept: 5 The concept of this one seems so obvious: write a parody of a Wikipedia article, with some fake "facts" and some very dry, sarcastic humor about the absurdity of Hentai, and we've got ourselves an article. So, how did we go wrong? How did this end up being partly in the first person and partly in the third person, and a giant pile of listcruft (lists of templates, lists of types of hentai, lists of mainstream anime that's been turned into hentai...)
Prose and formatting: 4 The prose is, for the most part, fine. The formatting is horrible. Pictures should go on a margin, and have text wrap around them - they shouldn't be dropped in like giant bricks. Pictures should almost NEVER be over about 300px unless they're somehow part of the narrative. Articles should start with ledes and not a pile of templates. Sections should have fairly consistent lengths (unless the length of one or two outliers is a joke in itself). Links should appear fairly consistently in the article - there should not be long sections of text with no links.
Images: 5 This article could do so much better; there's hilarious hentai images out there, and hilarious ways to caption them. The "costumes" picture isn't really funny. The Yuri picture isn't captioned in an ideal way. The shitting dick nipples picture, well... wow. I have nothing to say about that.
Miscellaneous: 4 This review has been brought to you by the number 4.
Final Score: 21 There's a lot of work that needs to be done on this one to bring it up to par with the rest of Uncyclopedia. Honestly, if I didn't know there was someone actively working on this one, I might slap a medium rewrite tag on it; other editors might even nominate it for VFD. Cleaning up the formatting would go a long way toward making this look like something Uncyclopedia wants; putting in the right jokes and finding the right tone could turn this into something Uncyclopedia needs. Good luck!!
Reviewer: Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 19:00, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
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