Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Gwonam

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edit Gwonam

Ilovecheeseandsausage 02:53, September 18, 2011 (UTC)

Ok ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 05:10, September 18, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 1.5 Alright this article has potential to be funny, this is the important thing when considering your re-write :). But in order to get that ICU off your article and bring it up to our standards around here, it needs a lot of work. Less memes, more satire and more content. Not to mention the fact you need more funny pictures to go with your text.

So I'll section review this if you like (even though most are only 2 lines, I'll give it my best shot).

Introduction - As a general rule, an introduction needs to be a couple of lengthy paragraphs in length, with a funny image and very funny content that you should try and maintain throughout the article. But the introduction needs to be A+ material in order to get the reader interested in reading your article through to the end. What I see is a quick quote and a couple of lines of rather poorly written prose, you need to work on your intro to bring it the quality I mentioned above, ok?

Early Life - First off the "Over 9000" has to go, it sounds overly cliched and is not funny. Period. Second off the statement made at the start of this section is lazy and sounds like an attempt to avoid detail on purpose. Writing needs to have an element of detail to it in order to be successful. You've offered 2 lines with zero detail, please include some detail and less meme ridden material.

Invasion of Koridai - This highlights a major event and therefore should be a major section, with at least one satirical image, you have provided a bunch of very short sentences, in the form of he did this... he did that... so I'm going to ask you greatly rethink this section, and add a heap of detail and humor to it so it makes the reader feel like they are there, which is critical for your success and keeping the reader interested in what you have to say.

Friends and Family - I don't care if they are dead. Don't be lazy, tell us about them before they were dead, and I'm sure he makes plenty of friends, I mean I've never heard of a friendless magic genie. Tell us about them in this sort of format:

  • <Character name> - Two line description

It doesn't have to be lengthy as there are multiple characters to describe, simple saying he doesn't have any is dull, boring and lazy. Images should come into this section too!

Powers and Abilities - Follow a similar format as listed above, it should work here too I imagine :)

Recent Events - This is one sentence, it needs to be a lengthy paragraph. That's all I'm gonna say because I'm sick off repeating it. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I had to be so harsh, but its important I was. Simply follow these steps and your article, can and will become funny!

Concept: 2.5 You have shown a slight understanding of the subject you are writing about. You identified it and gave a quick, very skimmed and sadly, humor lacking synopsis of the subject. So I'm going to make a suggestion you add more detail to it. So protips:
  • The statement "Nobody knows when or where Gwonam was born" in the second paragraph, is very lazy and tells me you don't want to write a detailed article. If you want to get the ICU of your article, you're gonna have to add some detail. Write about his childhood, if you can't find any detail on the interwebz, make it up, let your imagination take you anywhere!
  • Significant events should make the bulk of your article, not a couple of quick lines in the middle of your article. They should be spread out in your article with a lot of detail and images to back up your statements and increase humor of it all!
  • Recent Events - One liners are just not on, this should again be a major section with images to back it up.

Please follow these protips of detail and images to improve the humor and concept of your article.

Prose and formatting: 3 Alright it's good to see you have edited some links to your article, but this is far from enough to make it of a good quality. First off you need a few more links, coupled with good content and well formatted in images. When I say format them well, I mean make them sit beside blocks of text, not below and to the rights, which I see in your current image. Second off a quick spell check would b a good idea as I noticed a few spelling errors in your article, but that's only minor.

Lastly when you are adding in more links to your article, and and avoid red links all together if possible. That's about all I have to say for this section.

Images: 2 You seriously need more image than just the one. By which I mean add an image to just about every single section of your article. Not only that, but fiddle with the sizes, added hilarious captions and align come on the left as well as the right. This is important, as images are humorous and back up what you are saying.

But do choose your images well, don't just pick random images from the series just because they are what the subject is about. Make sure they have an element of humor to them as well as being relevant importantly.

In summary, add a heap more images (once more content is added), make them funny and well formatted and it will improve a heap!

Miscellaneous: 2.2 My overall rating out of 10.
Final Score: 11.2 Don't be discouraged from my review, keep at it, I know it can do well if you are dedicated! As previously stated, humor, format, concept, content and images are seriously lacking and need a lot of work before you class this article as finished. None the less a promising start :)
Reviewer: ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au
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