Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Guinea pig

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Revision as of 09:08, September 16, 2010 by PeregrineFalcon999 (talk | contribs)

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edit Guinea pig

This entire article was rewritten, mostly by me, though I kept several things unchanged. Someone in the article discussion suggested it be nominated, so I'm wondering if others agree.

Thanks for the review, PeregrineFalcon999! A lot of the stuff you brought up seems to be leftovers from what the article was like before I got at it. The images, cute/evil creature, and later parts of the article. I really didn't want to completely redo everyone else's hard work. I'll keep your pointers in mind. Calamire 00:36, September 15, 2010 (UTC)

You don't have to redo it, just improve it a bit. And considering the quality of the stuff you have added, I know you can improve them without ruining the ideas.--Some_idiot.png (CUN) 09:08, September 16, 2010 (UTC)

Peregrine-falcon This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.

I'll do this later, after I've finished this school assignment. Fucking History.--Some_idiot.png (CUN) 01:17, September 16, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 8 This is quite funny! I really enjoyed reading this, and really didn’t want to stop reading, which doesn’t happen very often. Usually when I review an article I have to urge myself to push through because it just gets boring. This wasn’t like that. Still, I see ups and downs in this, so I show you what you need to improve to put this at top notch level.

I’ll start with the smaller things first. I just hate that first line. I’m sorry, it almost just put me off reading the article. Not only that, it just doesn’t fit in with the rest of the article, doesn't do it justice. Opening sentences always have to be good, so work a bit on this so you can really grab the reader and pull them in.

I also want to mention quotes. They are quite overdone here on Uncycloepdia. So when you write a quote, spend some time on it to make it really funny. It’s almost just second nature to put a quote at the start an article. So fix up the quotes.

Your article is quite listy. Lists can be funny sometimes, but it is best not to have heaps of lists in an article. I don’t want you to just dump your lists, but only one or two are fine, just not too many. Also, try and cut out the unfunny stuff from them so the lists are just the raw humor, the best bits. Boring lists are REALLY off putting for a reader, so you have to avoid them, and make them as funny as possible.

Concept: 7 Your concept isn’t overly original. You’ve got something cute and harmless and wrote about it as if it is something evil. It’s been done before. But you really have done this well, and made it funny! However, that is what seems to be the main and pretty much only joke here – Guinea Pigs are mastermind villains from outer space. It's garners some laughs, but tehre still is space to add some better and different humor. That’s why here I urge you to try and fit in some different types of humor into the article. You don’t want your humor to jump around too much, but if you add some different kind of jokes into your article, it will really spice it up a bit and give it some extra laughs. Remember, you don’t just have to use facts in an article. To get ideas for different types of humor, check out the Featured Content for ideas. Don't plagiarize, just look for inspiration.

I know you rewrote this, but this article still feels like it was written by many people. That’s because, after the first few paragraphs, your evil-villain concept starts to dissipate. I start to see splatterings of random humor, especially in the later lists and such. The helium, mutations and stuff just falls completely off concept. Try and rewrite these bits to stay on track and don’t wander off into different subjects. This is really important, so make an effort at improving this.

Prose and formatting: 6 On the subject of prose, your writing style is fine, more or less. There's nothing special, but no problems.

In the way of formatting, however, there are few little things you should attend to. Your biggest problem here is the placing of your images. Good image formatting is very important. Try to spread out your images evenly so they aren’t squashed together at places. Remember, you can move them to the left and right if you need to.

The only other problem here is your links. You start off with a consistent amount of links, then when you start to hit the larger lists near the end, they disappear. Try and keep a consistent amount of links throughout. Oh, and delete that red link - it just looks out of place and unprofessional.

Images: 8 Great images. This is easily one of the best parts of your article. But as a reviewer, I always have to picky, and I’ve still got some gripes for this section.

Firstly, you should write some better captions, especially for the pirate and zombie pictures. Great captions are humor gold, and if you write them well then you can garner many more laughs from a pic. So spend some time on them, and it will be worth it!

The other problem is that you images don’t show up in the right places for me. When placing images you have to place them so they correspond with the right paragraph. This is important, because placing an image with their related paragraph will really strengthen any jokes within that section. If it is placed randomly, there is no extra humor in there, and it can even hurt the humor of the picture itself.

Miscellaneous: 7.5 Averaged your scores in my head.
Final Score: 36.5 This is a strong article as it stands. To stand a chance at VFH however, you will just have to concentrate of what I have said here. There are big things and small niggly things, but if you concentrate on this article it will definitely have a good chance of making it to the front page! I hope I have helped.
Reviewer: --Some_idiot.png (CUN) 03:07, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
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