Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Guilty Gear

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edit Guilty Gear

S3ahawk 22:11, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

Peregrine-falcon This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.

I'll take a shot at this.--Some_idiot.png (CUN) 21:56, September 14, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 3 Ok. I think the instant you saw this review you saw the orange box with the '3' on it and thought instantly that I am just being a bitch. But I really have to put down this score because that's what it's there for.

I didn’t find much in here that funny. It’s just there aren’t enough jokes. This is a bit of a trap that a lot of people fall into – they just go on, chatting on about the subject in a kind of style that would not be allowed in Wikipedia, but they really feel they don't have to put too much stuff in to get some laughs. But it’s just not funny enough.

It’s almost as if you’ve got the body, or shell of the article here. It’s got the facts, the ideas, but nothing has been quite used properly. Now we need to give the article some personality. In other words, add some jokes, some humor, some laughs. There are definitely places where you've had a go at getting some laughs, and making up some pretty absurd things, but even these are too weak to really deal some humor. So, you just need to try and squeeze everything you can into this article.

I recommend you try and few different types of humor here. You can twist facts to make them funny. You can insult the game – add comments and interruptions. You can used lots of different types of humor here. My main advice for getting some humor into it is checking out other articles on video games and movies. Check out the featured content. I’m not saying you should steal from other articles, but look at examples to give you ideas, so you can get some good ground to build up some laughs.

When you try to fill up an article with good humor, you must always consider timing and how much you are going to fit in. But you really need to concentrate on this and try to squeeze as much as you can into the article.

To help you with that, I’ll go through each section and give you some comments to help you milk out this humor. Let’s do it…

  • Intro: This needs to be beefed up a bit. I’m not saying you have to make it huge because that could be off putting to the reader, but you need to make it a little longer. You actually have some good ideas here, so you could really milk out some laughs here.
  • History: Here you need to make up a bit of history. To do this properly, you need to play on the style of game you have here. It’s a 2D fighting/rap battle game… so how could you mix that into the history? Take a look at this article. Look at the childhood section. Notice how the author makes up random things like “A popular tale holds that Vespucci's first act on earth was to point to himself and exclaim "Amerigo Vespucci," thereby naming himself.” And “This was a largely a consequence of his habit of renaming all his classmates "Amerigo Vespucci.” This works well because the author played on the well known fact that Vespucci named things after himself. This is the kind of thing you should do here: play on things you know about the game to make up random things, and mix them within fact.
  • Gameplay: You could go into this a bit more, because you could get some humor out the various attacks and battle techniques.
  • Story: You have made up some pretty crazy things here. Or are they actually real? They don’t seem real. I don’t even understand how they fit in with the gameplay. Can you explain this abit better?
  • Characters: This is actually ok. However, you may want to move it up at the start, as you talk about these characters in the first sections.
Concept: 5 I have never heard of this game before. However, this is not a surprise, as I am not a gamer. At all. But a quick check on Wikipedia answered all my questions, so I’m ok with everything now. And while I'm on this subject, you should always try and write your article so even someone who has no idea what you are talking about can get the jokes and laugh.

As I have already said, you have lots of space to add some good parody humor about this concept, which you haven’t quite used to it’s potential. You really have to find the weak points and silly things about your subject and use them to create something funny.

But I feel you could put more into this! Check out the Wikipedia article on Runescape or WOW – they have very big articles on some subjects. See how much detail they talk about? All those sections? You can really try and build on your article by thinking of every aspects and feature of the game. Shorter articles are always better then overlong, bulky things, but it would be good to take a look at every aspect of the game you can.

Prose and formatting: 6 This is written quite well, so there are no problems with your prose.

On the subject of formatting, your article also doesn’t look horrible. But you may want to resize your pictures so they are around the same size, and spread them out more around the article, some on the left as well, etc... At the moment they don’t look particularly good where they are, and at their current sizes.

Images: 4 Your images are not exactly funny, but you have actually places them well so they fit in where they should be, next to their corresponding paragraphs. A big mistake that a lot of people make it just spreading out their images, but putting them in random places. You have put them in the right places.

But normal pictures need funny captions. Unfortunately, your captions aren’t the funniest things ever. Good captions add a lot of humor to your article, because it makes an image funny. So really work on your captions and spend some time on them, because they can be real humor gold if done well.

Oh, and images captions still need full stops! Just saying…

Miscellaneous: 4.5 Averaged your scores.
Final Score: 22.5 Ok, so I’ve been really harsh with the scores. But you really, really need to add a lot more humor into this. That is the biggest problem here and you have to really try and parody your subject, milk out every laugh you can. At the moment there isn’t much that funny here.

But I have seen some of your works – you are a really good writer. If you try hard you can definitely fix up this article so it is the best it can be.

I hope I have helped here, at least a little!

Reviewer: --Some_idiot.png (CUN) 05:59, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
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