Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Grand Theft Auto: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
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|Humour:||8||Rofl, the obese child eats people and clogs up the factory! classic!|
|Concept:||7||Grand Theft Auto strikes again with another pointless game!|
|Prose and formatting:||9||easy to find the way around the article. short yet still humerous!|
|Images:||10||HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, OOMPA LOOMPA WITH A KNIFE! ROFL!|
|Miscellaneous:||8||overall goodness wrapped up in a bizare idea!|
|Final Score:||42||Overall, a very entertaining article that kept me entertained while i was meant to be doing schoolwork!|
|Humour:||4||Too many gay jokes and pointless sexual references. Plus some random namedropping at the start. See comments below.|
|Concept:||5||We have a ton of GTA articles around here, so you have to come up with a really good take on it in order for it to stand out. This is OK, at least it's not another real-world city, which is a bit more original than most of the others.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||It's formatted well enough, and spelling's mostly fine (but be consistent - it's Willy Wonka, not Wonker). However, it does resemble a big list. Lists are generally not that popular around here, I suggest adding in a couple of descriptive paragraphs to break up the listy flow a bit.|
|Images:||6||Three images. Two relevant, one pretty good (the Oompa Loompa with knife one), one average (just a straight pic of Wonka), one totally irrelevant - I'd lose the Barney one, myself.|
|Miscellaneous:||5||It's better than a few of the GTA articles, but not great.|
|Final Score:||26||There is some potential here, at least, but it needs some work to really bring it out. See my comments below.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 09:49, 17 October 2007 (UTC)|
OK, there's a discrepancy between these two reviews. That shows one of the old adages - humour is subjective. However, the observations I make are in part based on an observation of what tends to play well on this site at VFH and what tends to raise people's hackles on VFD. Lists aren't popular, neither are juvenile gay jokes, Barney, or random namedropping.
My first recommendation is to have a good read of HTBFANJS - it always helps. Established users still read this. Hell, users who have had several featured articles still read it.
Next, spend some time looking through this. Reading a bunch of featured articles should give you a good idea of what tends to work around here. It can also give you more ideas.
Once you've done that, hopefully you'll have some ideas for improvements yourself. But for what it's worth, here are a few of mine:
Lose the gay jokes. OK, so Wonka is a repressed adult who seems to have an unhealthy interest in kids, but just saying he's a gay homo isn't funny. Try to be more subtle about it. Show by his actions rather than tell directly.
Lose the cheats section. There's no point to it, it's not adding any humour at all, and you don't need it.
Add a few paragraphs describing the in-game action, possibly covering the aim of the game, which you don't really go into. As arch-profiteer Wonka, are you looking to use your cheap labour and inexplicable appeal to kids to establish a monopoly on the chocolate market by any means necessary? How does the recruitment of the children aid your cause? What is the overall aim? To become undisputed Don of the factory, or something more? Global manipulation of economies by exploiting the spending and pester power of children? Go into more detail, give us something to read, not skim through.
What kind of missions are there? How, as the Oompa-Loompas, do you go about undermining Wonka's empire? Using Hitloompas to take out the squirrel population? Attempts to kidnap the children? A daring insurrection to the inventing room to try and destroy vital equipment? Try to use the structure of the game and the fantasy world setting of the factory to come up with some fun ideas!
Hell, you could even add a "reaction" section, where you discuss the panic the game caused among adults, but subvert it a bit. GTA games are always accused of sensationalising violence, and keeping kids away from books. Well, as this is based on an original novel, have computer game manufacturers complaining that it's dragging kids away from their consoles, and encouraging them to read books, hurting game sales. Put a little spin on an existing perception.
Basically, have fun with the concept, get all of the mileage out of it you can.
To sum up: this may seem harsh, especially compared to the review above, but having seen how this site works for a while, I'm trying to offer an honest appraisal of how this fits in with the best of the content around here. If you're looking to create an article that might survive VFD, and will get some lols from undemanding readers, job done. If you want to create something that really fits in around here, or even something that has a shot at Highlight, you could do a lot worse than at least think about my advice. Still, this is only my opinion, you're free to ignore it. And good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 09:49, 17 October 2007 (UTC)