Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Grand Theft Auto: Somalia

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edit Grand Theft Auto: Somalia

GiratinaOriginForme |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill 800px-Flag of the Philippines svg | 08:08, October 9, 2010 (UTC)

I shall try to have this reviewed within one earth day, give or take a time zone and possibly a daylight savings time and probably... no, definitely a nap. I need a nap before I do anything. But this shall be reviewed; as you have asked, it shall be done. ~ Lyrithya sig daji Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20101026 - 04:47 (UTC)

Concept: 5 I wanted to start with the prose section, but I couldn't think of a good way to rearrange this review table. Ah, well... apologies about the order and the stuff in strange sections.

Anyway, the GTA theme has certainly been done to death roundabouts here, so what you need is both an article and game capable of standing out from the previous instalments, lest it fall under the category of just another GTA, meh. While the entire idea of a grand theft anything somewhere so militant and third-worldy is quite amusing in of itself, the implementation here is rather lacking.

It doesn't even feel like a game. It has this plot of the sort that might resemble a comic book, but of the plot, what is cutscene, what is mission, what is stumbled upon? How does the interface even work? Driving a wheelbarrow, that has to change things, so how? And how does it compare to the previous ones, really? What is different, what is the same, what is new? The wanted rating, can it go down? What sort of spray-shop equivalent does it have, and how does that work?

BHow do all the little pieces that make up this article actually come together as a game as a whole?

Humour: 3 Well... there is certainly hope for this, once you sort out the confusion(see above and/or bellow) and what exactly it is. Make it actually feel like a game and the game stuff will feel better, certainly.
  • Introduction - This seems to be the only part going into the gameplay, but it doesn't really explain any of it, either. Probably want to move it and include at least some cursory explanation - I read up on this on the GTA wiki, and they have some very nice explanations, but don't assume your reader is entirely familiar with what you mean by stars. And a white guy? Eh? Why's that in all caps? Now you're addressing the reader as a player?
Know your reader, but don't presume for it. Yes, what, now?
The Pokemon stuff just comes across as overly random instead of funny... why would that be involved in Somalian stuff?
A yet to be released game will be followed by a sequel? Know the future exactly, do you? Perhaps it's planned, but there really is no telling what'll happen. Something about the plan itself could wind up humorous, though, but as it is, it's just, okay. Sequel. Huh.
  • Synopsis - This was rather hard to read, but that's more a consistency and grammar and what's going on, is this a game, or what? problem... overall, very texty, not very gamey, too much fucking killing specific stuff... or so's my impression. If it can fit with the game whilst paralleling GTA themes and real Somalian stuffs and whatnot, could make for some good stuff.
Ending - Eeeh. What? I see a mass of people fucking each other and dying. Not sure if this is funny to other people, but... for that matter, how would a game with this sort of thing even get widely published without any controversies? Might want to address that.
The Ethiopian invasion is a nice touch, though.
  • Differences to other GTA games - Listy... like the wheelbarrow, though. What racism? News to me...
  • Weapons & Food, Cheats, Music - The high-risk weapons are a nice touch. How does that factor into gameplay, though? Can you accidentally blow everything up, or some such?
If the food is corn dropped from aeroplanes, what is this other food?
  • Grand Theft Auto: Somalian Piracy - This could actually make for a good conclusion - if you connect it more to the current game being discussed and whatnot, anyhow. Still needs more for funnies.
What's with the stuff in the <pre> box?

After that, maybe I have a thing against lists because of all of them I see on VFD and the strange coincidence in which the articles that wind up surviving there are often ones that have had their lists removed or severely truncated, but frankly, in general, lists are boring. So there's a bunch of stuff included in the game. Okay. A bunch of weapons, cheats, songs... some are kind of funny, but it's just a list. Listing them like that simply does not allow the ones that stand out to truly do so; it places no emphasis on irony and scary and silly. It all lumps together with the merely random and mundane and does not allow for any highlighting or comparison or analysis; especially with some of these, quite the opportunities are lost to expand on individual cheats, or groupings of weapons.

Honestly, I suspect it would be much improved if, instead of just listing all this, keep the sections for the most part, but only use the funniest items and discuss them. How did these cheats specifically come to be? What are these weapons, really, and how well do they actually work? How hard is it to get suqaar (and what, even, is it?), or xalwo, and why and/or how does it work? How does the game implement it?

For each thing, think, is this funny? Why is it actually here? Will others even have the faintest inkling what it is? Admittedly, this may just be my melodic cluelessness, but the music section means absolutely nothing to me. See what people think, though; if they get it, it may provide insight as to whether or not to keep it in its current format. If a person goes, "what's that?" at something, though, why not explain after a fashion? Make it clearer, and in the section, too, even; then other readers will get it too.

Prose and formatting: 3 There is a major, over-arching issue for this, from which many of your problems seem to stem: it's confusing.

Who is writing this? And, for that matter, why are they? And what it the target audience? At times it resembles someone just rambling about something, and fixing themselves as they go - "oh wait, my bad... that was his apartment," "oh wait there are none..." And even the audience changes. It goes from addressing the reader as a neutral party being informed as a general outside perspective to addressing the reader as a player directly, doing the things within the game, stealing things and bleeding to death and all. As it is, I'm somewhat fuzzy from this presentation - is the player playing this AJ? How does the gameplay even fit in? An elaborate plot such as this is all very well and fine, admirable even, perhaps, but it still needs to fit together as the plot of the game.

Regardless of specifics of presentation, of speaker and audience and content, this is an article about a game. Everything should flow from that - who would write about a game such as this in an amusing fashion, and how would they go about it? Keep consistent to the speaker, and likewise, consistent to the audience. The speaker is speaking to them (or more accurately, writing to them), specifically, for a reason, so stick with that. A game review for a website on the stuff, perhaps. An article about a future game for a general audience of some demographic, something, just consider who it is and be consistent.

Also, introduce with general stuff; leave specifics about wantedness and whatnot for later. The introduction is for overall - what the article has in it as a whole and whatnot, and the article itself will go from there. As it is, you have some very seemingly random stuff thrown in at the beginning, and the release dates and whatnot are redundant with the infobox, far as I can tell, so why have them in the intro at all save for saying more generally? The thing does also need more of a conclusion, though I am uncertain what you could use for that. Perhaps one of the lists, once elaborated upon, could pull together different aspects of the game. Whatever you use to end the article, though, have it a more general thing, tying together the different aspects of the game.

And fix the grammar. If all else fails, slap a {{Proofread}} on it; the thing is quite a pain to read as it is. Sentence fluency and rambliness are your main concerns, as well as just inconsistent formatting throughout the thing. Consistency is good, you know.

Images: 5 So, ah... why does the cover art at the bottom not match the cover in the infobox? I mean, both sets are fairly decent, but what's the one in the infobox for, if there's a PS3 one at the bottom, too?

You might as well make your images bigger, especially the cars. Images make good spacers for articles... except there aren't any at all for the duration of the lists. That's not good.

  • First cover - love it. Plain and simple. Got the wheelbarrow and everything...
  • Sweet ride - Killing all of the city's homeless? How does that make sense? At any rate, this image will fit in a lot more effectively if you explain the gameplay better in the article itself.
  • Basque fuchsia thing - Listy caption... could have more of a punchline; what's so funny about that one in particular? Also, where's the shopping cart in the rest of the article? (Or did I just miss it?)
  • Covers - why are they so different? Might be something to talk about. Or not. Still, sweet ride. Middle one's a mite fuzzy, though.
Miscellaneous: 4 It's not there yet. Make it better.
Final Score: 20 Well, certainly an interesting idea, here. Problem is, it really lacks cohesiveness as an article about a game - hopefully considering some of what I said here should help, but... eh. Pick a speaker and speak the part, too. Don't constantly break the fourth wall going back on what you've said; that's almost never a good idea. And lose the lists.

Just get it readable and game-like and have it make logical sense, and you could well be on your way to a much more effective article. Good luck.

Reviewer: ~ Lyrithya sig daji Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20101027 - 05:56 (UTC)
5
Bloink
Concept
The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
I wanted to start with the prose section, but I couldn't think of a good way to rearrange this review table. Ah, well... apologies about the order and the stuff in strange sections.

Anyway, the GTA theme has certainly been done to death roundabouts here, so what you need is both an article and game capable of standing out from the previous instalments, lest it fall under the category of just another GTA, meh. While the entire idea of a grand theft anything somewhere so militant and third-worldy is quite amusing in of itself, the implementation here is rather lacking.

It doesn't even feel like a game. It has this plot of the sort that might resemble a comic book, but of the plot, what is cutscene, what is mission, what is stumbled upon? How does the interface even work? Driving a wheelbarrow, that has to change things, so how? And how does it compare to the previous ones, really? What is different, what is the same, what is new? The wanted rating, can it go down? What sort of spray-shop equivalent does it have, and how does that work?

BHow do all the little pieces that make up this article actually come together as a game as a whole?

3
Bloink
Humour
The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
Well... there is certainly hope for this, once you sort out the confusion(see above and/or bellow) and what exactly it is. Make it actually feel like a game and the game stuff will feel better, certainly.
  • Introduction - This seems to be the only part going into the gameplay, but it doesn't really explain any of it, either. Probably want to move it and include at least some cursory explanation - I read up on this on the GTA wiki, and they have some very nice explanations, but don't assume your reader is entirely familiar with what you mean by stars. And a white guy? Eh? Why's that in all caps? Now you're addressing the reader as a player?
Know your reader, but don't presume for it. Yes, what, now?
The Pokemon stuff just comes across as overly random instead of funny... why would that be involved in Somalian stuff?
A yet to be released game will be followed by a sequel? Know the future exactly, do you? Perhaps it's planned, but there really is no telling what'll happen. Something about the plan itself could wind up humorous, though, but as it is, it's just, okay. Sequel. Huh.
  • Synopsis - This was rather hard to read, but that's more a consistency and grammar and what's going on, is this a game, or what? problem... overall, very texty, not very gamey, too much fucking killing specific stuff... or so's my impression. If it can fit with the game whilst paralleling GTA themes and real Somalian stuffs and whatnot, could make for some good stuff.
Ending - Eeeh. What? I see a mass of people fucking each other and dying. Not sure if this is funny to other people, but... for that matter, how would a game with this sort of thing even get widely published without any controversies? Might want to address that.
The Ethiopian invasion is a nice touch, though.
  • Differences to other GTA games - Listy... like the wheelbarrow, though. What racism? News to me...
  • Weapons & Food, Cheats, Music - The high-risk weapons are a nice touch. How does that factor into gameplay, though? Can you accidentally blow everything up, or some such?
If the food is corn dropped from aeroplanes, what is this other food?
  • Grand Theft Auto: Somalian Piracy - This could actually make for a good conclusion - if you connect it more to the current game being discussed and whatnot, anyhow. Still needs more for funnies.
What's with the stuff in the <pre> box?

After that, maybe I have a thing against lists because of all of them I see on VFD and the strange coincidence in which the articles that wind up surviving there are often ones that have had their lists removed or severely truncated, but frankly, in general, lists are boring. So there's a bunch of stuff included in the game. Okay. A bunch of weapons, cheats, songs... some are kind of funny, but it's just a list. Listing them like that simply does not allow the ones that stand out to truly do so; it places no emphasis on irony and scary and silly. It all lumps together with the merely random and mundane and does not allow for any highlighting or comparison or analysis; especially with some of these, quite the opportunities are lost to expand on individual cheats, or groupings of weapons.

Honestly, I suspect it would be much improved if, instead of just listing all this, keep the sections for the most part, but only use the funniest items and discuss them. How did these cheats specifically come to be? What are these weapons, really, and how well do they actually work? How hard is it to get suqaar (and what, even, is it?), or xalwo, and why and/or how does it work? How does the game implement it?

For each thing, think, is this funny? Why is it actually here? Will others even have the faintest inkling what it is? Admittedly, this may just be my melodic cluelessness, but the music section means absolutely nothing to me. See what people think, though; if they get it, it may provide insight as to whether or not to keep it in its current format. If a person goes, "what's that?" at something, though, why not explain after a fashion? Make it clearer, and in the section, too, even; then other readers will get it too.

3
Bloink
Prose and formatting
Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
There is a major, over-arching issue for this, from which many of your problems seem to stem: it's confusing.

Who is writing this? And, for that matter, why are they? And what it the target audience? At times it resembles someone just rambling about something, and fixing themselves as they go - "oh wait, my bad... that was his apartment," "oh wait there are none..." And even the audience changes. It goes from addressing the reader as a neutral party being informed as a general outside perspective to addressing the reader as a player directly, doing the things within the game, stealing things and bleeding to death and all. As it is, I'm somewhat fuzzy from this presentation - is the player playing this AJ? How does the gameplay even fit in? An elaborate plot such as this is all very well and fine, admirable even, perhaps, but it still needs to fit together as the plot of the game.

Regardless of specifics of presentation, of speaker and audience and content, this is an article about a game. Everything should flow from that - who would write about a game such as this in an amusing fashion, and how would they go about it? Keep consistent to the speaker, and likewise, consistent to the audience. The speaker is speaking to them (or more accurately, writing to them), specifically, for a reason, so stick with that. A game review for a website on the stuff, perhaps. An article about a future game for a general audience of some demographic, something, just consider who it is and be consistent.

Also, introduce with general stuff; leave specifics about wantedness and whatnot for later. The introduction is for overall - what the article has in it as a whole and whatnot, and the article itself will go from there. As it is, you have some very seemingly random stuff thrown in at the beginning, and the release dates and whatnot are redundant with the infobox, far as I can tell, so why have them in the intro at all save for saying more generally? The thing does also need more of a conclusion, though I am uncertain what you could use for that. Perhaps one of the lists, once elaborated upon, could pull together different aspects of the game. Whatever you use to end the article, though, have it a more general thing, tying together the different aspects of the game.

And fix the grammar. If all else fails, slap a {{Proofread}} on it; the thing is quite a pain to read as it is. Sentence fluency and rambliness are your main concerns, as well as just inconsistent formatting throughout the thing. Consistency is good, you know.

5
Bloink
Images
The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
So, ah... why does the cover art at the bottom not match the cover in the infobox? I mean, both sets are fairly decent, but what's the one in the infobox for, if there's a PS3 one at the bottom, too?

You might as well make your images bigger, especially the cars. Images make good spacers for articles... except there aren't any at all for the duration of the lists. That's not good.

  • First cover - love it. Plain and simple. Got the wheelbarrow and everything...
  • Sweet ride - Killing all of the city's homeless? How does that make sense? At any rate, this image will fit in a lot more effectively if you explain the gameplay better in the article itself.
  • Basque fuchsia thing - Listy caption... could have more of a punchline; what's so funny about that one in particular? Also, where's the shopping cart in the rest of the article? (Or did I just miss it?)
  • Covers - why are they so different? Might be something to talk about. Or not. Still, sweet ride. Middle one's a mite fuzzy, though.
4
Bloink
Miscellaneous
Anything else... or not...
It's not there yet. Make it better.
20
Bloink
Final score
~ Lyrithya sig daji Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20101027 - 05:56 (UTC)
Well, certainly an interesting idea, here. Problem is, it really lacks cohesiveness as an article about a game - hopefully considering some of what I said here should help, but... eh. Pick a speaker and speak the part, too. Don't constantly break the fourth wall going back on what you've said; that's almost never a good idea. And lose the lists.

Just get it readable and game-like and have it make logical sense, and you could well be on your way to a much more effective article. Good luck.

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