Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Goldfish

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edit Goldfish

Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 13:21, 16 July 2008 (UTC)

This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 7.71 average of sections
  • intro:6.5

not a bad start, but a little short.

  • fish, actually: 8

good parody, solid idea. i'm not sure if you're lying or not, which is precisely what a good encyclopedia-ish entry should do to the reader.

  • ok...:7.5

you confuse me here. the title admits goldfish don't have the cells, yet the paragraph describes them. kinda screws up the flow. the paragraph itself is actually pretty good, particularly the part about the plastic diver.

  • ok, again...:9

you start to hit your stride here. several good-sized chuckles.

  • aha!:7

you get kind of bogged down in the fish/notfish argument. also, it feels like your sections are too short to have any real flow.

  • so...:8.5

much better here. historical innacurracies abound, but are easily overlooked at first (which is excellent). i like the finishing line about pronounciation, too.

  • last 2 sections lumped together:7.5

ok, so i guess you wrapped up the fish/notfish thing semi-nicely, but i still think it brings the article down as-is.

  • final comments:

your humor is pretty good, although it tends to get chopped up a bit, more on that in the formatting section. if you're going with the 'section title is a guy asking question, section content is someone answering him' thing, then maybe make that approach more obvious. i was confused on my first read-through, as evident in the comments from the sections. maybe end the intro by asking a question, and having the first section answer that question, to make it obvious what's going on.

Concept: 9.5 i do like articles about basic things in an encyclopedic-ish style. good job running with the gold-electro thing.
Prose and formatting: 6 the article seems a bit short and choppy; both could be addressed if you added several sentences to make each section longer.
Images: 7 first one was a good opening image with a solid enough caption, second one was acceptable but nothing spectacular, third one was pretty hilarious. minus one point for having all you images on the same side.
Miscellaneous: 7.55 average'd
Final Score: 37.76 i see my/your final tally is a robust 37.76, placing your article in the 'adequate, the average article' section. i feel that with some lengthening, and adjusting the intro to make sure the reader knows what's going on, you could bump that up to VFH material. if you'd like me to spellcheck, slightly edit or even throw my efforts full-on into improvement, just pick up the Gerryphone and dial '30'.
Reviewer: --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:30, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
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