Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Getting pushed into bananas (Mario Kart)

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edit Getting pushed into bananas

Hi there, just looking for a little sprucing up of my article. It was runner up on PLS, so I thought just a little more idea harvesting and criticism eating and this baby will be ready for some ass kicking! It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 15:27, 17 August 2008 (UTC)

I don't have a template but I am gonna review this, so back off! -- explosive Ape (subtract) (Riot Porn) 21:29, 17 August 2008 (UTC)

Ok, as you already know I love this article, so I'm gonna concentrate on ways you can spruce it up.

Humour: 8.2 Score is average of sections.

Intro

8 - Good intro. Perhaps if you could find a stronger way of saying "child's play" it might improve it slightly. Like "everything else seems like a basket of fluffy kittens pawing brightly colored balls of yarn". (Simply because it is not a well known cliche.

I mean, come on!

7 - There's not a whole lot in this section, as it is rather short. Perhaps you should add an extra line or two, but it may not be necessary. You don't want to wreck the flow of the article, either.

But that doesn't end my misery

8 - Another good section. The reference to Is This Some Kind Of Fucking Joke?! is a little forced, TBH. It might work better if it was: I thought to myself: "What the fuck? Is this some kind of fucking joke?! Well? Is it? Do you hate me God?", or something along those lines.

Forget about some starving kid in Rwanda

8.5 - Again, a good section. I think it would be funnier if it was "piss", instead of "pee" (on his doorstep).

Great, now my doctor says I have PTSD

8.5 - i'm getting sick of saying good section, and having no real suggestions to improve it.

Yeah life is hard

9 - This ends very strongly, hence the 9. However, you might think about ending with a note of despair, rather than "I'll get over it." You could reuse the same basic structure, but instead it would be: I can handle my mother being raped and our house being burglarized, and I can handle my father getting shot and me having to sell drugs to psychos on the street, but I don't know if I will ever get mt life back together after this. It's just something worth thinking about.

Concept: 9 I love it. A good idea, well executed.
Prose and formatting: 8 It's not exactly Shakespeare, but it does suit the subject matter. In fact, it has a nice flow. The short sections make it a little ugly, and you might want to review where you put the images.
Images: 6 This is the article's weakness: the images are only OK. Also, you really should try to avoid reusing that image if at all possible.
Miscellaneous: 10 I averaged it, but it made the score too low.
Final Score: 41.2 I think I mentioned somewhere that I love this article. I wouldn't change too much of it, only minor tinkering really is required. Definite VFH material.
Reviewer: -- explosive Ape (subtract) (Riot Porn) 22:10, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
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