Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Gerry Cheevers (2)
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- Ok, let's do this! - 02:45, Sep 4
|Humour:||8.5||I laughed a respectable amount through much of this piece, and enjoyed it greatly. Hopefully it's not just because I play hockey/am a Bruins fan, but to me it seemed fairly accessible. Touch this up in just a couple places, and a VFH run is probably in your future.|
|Concept:||9||Cheevers as the most violent man between the pipes in the history of the NHL? I like it. Gives new meaning to the words 'big bad Bruins.'|
|Prose and formatting:||6.5||You ran into just a couple minor things here, check out the endnotes and see if you can polish it up a little.|
|Images:||7.5||Adequately amusing, relevant pictures, and I especially enjoyed your take on the famous Orr photo.|
|Miscellaneous:||8.5||I liked the article. It was enjoyable to read, and for me, that's just as important as any other score. It also had plenty of miscellany, which is nice. Anyways, I don't like just taking an average in this box, so... yeah.|
|Final Score:||40||Check out my endnotes, add a bit of spit n' polish, and I think you're on your way to a feature. Good luck Gerry!|
|Reviewer:||-03:15, Sep 4|
Very amusing intro, although some of the stuff fell a bit flatter than it could have. Try rewording this sentence: When asked if he did similar artwork on the gear of his opponents/victims, Cheevers replied in a serious tone, "they don't let me into the morgue." As is, it seems a bit wordy, and the joke isn't as clear as I feel like it could be. Later on, as well, being a smidge too verbose in spots messes up some timing. Read through your article a couple of times really slowly, and see if there are anything that doesn't agree with you. Don't be afraid to delete pieces of sentences that you don't necessarily need to convey your timing and ideas. I've had to fight this in some of my articles before, so I know it's kind of a pain to deal with. Remember, though, timing is everything in comedy.
I noticed you have a few parenthetical statements, you may want to make those footnote reference thingies, as that sometimes makes the sentences easier to read. Play around with it a little, and see how it comes out.
In all, a great article, and I enjoyed reading it very muchly. -03:15, Sep 4