Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Game:Wizards of Power MMORPG

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edit Game:Wizards of Power MMORPG

Hi there! I'm developing this "Multiplayer" game here and I was wondering if anyone could give any feedback on it. Please note that the purpose of the story is not only to laugh, but rather to make fun of the excellent RPG genre for your amusement; although I have incorporated several jokes in it, in order to make it a more fun and quirky adventure! Please give constructive criticism if indeed there is any, also it would benefit me greatly if you were to suggest any improvements. I will take your suggestions to heart and see if they can integrated into the game's environment and story. Thank you! Guardaviewer 21:31, November 21, 2010 (UTC)

I'm a role-player, and one thing I find funny is when there there's someone either jerking around or completely unaware of how RP works being placed in an environment where the game and other players are being completely serious an in-character. You allude to that at the start when Mr. Grim welcomes the player, and they respond with "what?" Imagine an experienced player greeting an eager young player and receiving the reply "can i have guns liek counterstrike?", and of course the serious role player would have to attemp to remain in-character while dealing with these out-of-character requests.
You could ensure that the game-generated descriptions are always playing the role of the straight-man. Allow the player to be funny either through ignorance or because they don't take it seriously. For example, on Game:Wizards_of_Power_MMORPG/start, the staff jerking lol thing is funny, but could be better if it's the player who makes the joke. You break the fourth wall in Game:Wizards_of_Power_MMORPG/sleep_on_floor, which is always funny in RP when serious role players are forced in to that by an unruly newbie or a troll.
Not sure if that's the angle you're looking for, but I reckon that would be pretty funny. Even if not the entire theme, it could be amusing to have at least one straight-man in the game having their patience tested. Chucking in some cyber-sex as well could be fun.Concernedresident 13:18, December 28, 2010 (UTC)

Might take me a little while (considering the size of the game) but I'll have a review done shortly. --John Lydon 15:35, January 7, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 4 I wasn't really sure how exactly to go about reviewing a game, so I decided to break it all down slide by slide in the prose section. I added a few minor comments under each section but the bulk of the review can be found in the prose section.Humor was pretty scarce throughout, but the parts you did have were pretty amusing. I go into detail on each slide in the prose section, so check there for a more in depth evaluation.
Concept: 3 It's pretty hard to come up with a text based game that doesn't appear to be a Zork rip off. I mention a few ideas in the slide by slide breakdown that may help improve the originality of your game.
Prose and formatting: 6 Very good use of imagery throughout the entire game. Spelling and grammer were not really issues. Here's the slide by slide breakdown I promised.

Slide 1 – Wizards of Power I really look the way you made this slide look like a boot screen. I do have a few issues with the content though. Most of it is good stuff that parodies a boot screen but I have to wonder why the unnecessary info about the author not playing WoW and other MMORPGs. Sure, it’s good for a chuckle, but really kind of hampers the whole feel of an authentic boot screen. I would have also liked to have seen some kind of a cheesy, Atari style Wizards of Power logo somewhere on this slide. It would really help to bump up the authentic feeling. That may even be a good replacement for the bit about the author’s dislike of MMORPGs. Other than those minor issues, the slide looks good.

Slide 2 – The friendly wizard Once again, excellent job on the look of this slide. It really feels like an old text based adventure game. Good dialogue throughout as well, save for one minor point, the mention of the Xbox. I get that you were injecting some humor but I think it really takes away from the atmosphere you’re creating around the game. As Concernedresident mentioned in his brief summary, having the actual “in game” characters stay in character while the main protagonist jumps in and out is often funny. The other way around doesn’t work as well. I still think you can add a funny little something here without breaking Mr. Grim’s character. For instance, maybe Mr. Grim has got to see a man about a horse or something.

The only other nitpick here (and throughout the game) is that you use Grues as your monster. While Grues are most certainly well known throughout Uncyclopedia, I would have liked to have seen you try to create a new monster, something fresh that might possibly become the successor to the Grue. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using Grues mind you, it’s just they are pretty much associated solely with Zork and using them gives the impression your game is a Zork rip off.

Slide 3 – The Consequences No complaints here. I really like how you made the scoreboard and move counter “work” and the fact that you seem to have a solid storyline going thus far in the game.

Slide 4 – The City Another good slide. The only suggestion I would make is to clean up your dialogue a little here. Allow me to explain. You have our hero asking “What is this place” and seemingly no one replying “I dunno”. I’m guessing you were taking a page from the old text adventures where you could use “look at” and “describe” commands. If that’s the case, I was going to initially suggest having the hero say “look at” but that just seems cheesy. Instead, I would possibly throw a random person into the mix that may be loitering by the gates that the hero can ask the question to. That way, the reader knows who’s answering the question.

Slide 5 – Suicide After reading through this slide, something didn’t quite jive with me. I couldn’t figure out what until about the third or fourth play through. The problem I had with this slide is that there was a good opportunity for some humor that was just wasted. If the hero is using a pocket knife, it’s probably going to take a while to commit suicide. I think going with something a little goofy like, “You thrust the knife into your chest but the tiny knife cannot reach your heart. You realize that getting stabbed really really hurts. Seriously injured, you stumble around until passing out from blood loss. You remain in the street, bloody and unconscious until a pack of stray dogs wanders upon your dying body and eats you.” Not that great, I know, but something to give you an idea of where to go.

Slide 6 – The Great Escape Okay, I’m not really sure what happened in this slide. We suddenly have a bunch of random sentences thrown at us at once. How does Hitler get involved? I think that going the route of surprise would be a better choice here. Maybe something like “Wow, I didn’t actually think anyone would choose this path” or “Wait! I was just kidding about the quitting thing! You can’t really quit!” would serve as a much better dialogue here. Also the picture of Hitler needs formatted if you choose to keep it. It looks really bad just pasted onto the page like that.

Slide 7 – The Treasure Chest No issues here, other than the minor nitpick that “drools spit” is kind of redundant.

Slide 8 – Head Interactions I did not see that coming, very nice.

Slide 9 - Spending the night on the floor Okay, two things here. First, I’m not really sure what all those memes have to do with anything. They feel forced in for the sake of mentioning some memes. I would advise eliminating them. Secondly, I really don’t get the link to “club penguin” at the bottom. For starters, it’s a dead link. Secondly, it has nothing at all to do with the game and comes off as spam. Finally, it takes away from the text adventure game feel you had going and suddenly feels more like an online RPG like mafia wars or something.

Slide 10 – 2pvp Nothing to complain about here. Pretty cut and dry.

Slide 11 – A meaningless effort One minor nit pick here. Its common knowledge that Grues eat everyone they come in contact with. So I have to wonder, how there is a player that can have a Grue basically as an attack dog? Not really a criticism, just more of a question.

Slide 12 – The City Very good descriptions here. Also, the other player’s narratives may be the funniest part of the game. Good work here.

Slide 13 – The price of uselessness Mostly fine, Except for one small part; Shouldn’t the narrator suggest consulting the Wizards of Power guide instead of the Zork guide?

Slide 14 – The city (pvp battle) I really like the way you detailed the PvP battle here. I think you may have missed of few opportunities at some humor though. I thought that making the fight a little more “clumsy” by making the fighters incompetent would have made this a little better.

Slide 15 – The Hotel Splendeer I noticed a few spelling issues here, other than that, you again do a good job of painting a mental picture. Well done

Images: 1 Realistically, text based adventure games don't really have images, so I won't hold your lack of images against you. The only image you do have, the one of Hitler, is not good at all and I will hold that one against you. See my comments on slide 5 for more.
Miscellaneous: 3.5 Averaged Score
Final Score: 17.5 Reviewing a game is a new experience for me. I hope I was able to cover most of what you were wondering about but I have to admit, I got a little lost while doing the review and may not have hit all the slides. I know this is an unorthodox review, but I tried my best to cover everything. If you have any questions, or just what to tell me how bad I am at reviewing, you can always leave a message on my talk page.
Reviewer: --John Lydon 17:13, January 7, 2011 (UTC)
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