Yes, I know, this has already been submitted, but I'd like a second opinion -- specifically constructive criticism from people who have not played Portal (game).
22.214.171.124 00:43, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
Well, obviously this is a challenging one to review. As made clear by the last Pee review and by the VFH outcome, there are two kinds of responses to this article: people who get it think it's hilarious, and people who don't get it just look confused and click "back." Well, there's nothing wrong with an article like that; electrons are cheap, and something that's hilarious to only ten people still deserves to stick around. So, here's my own reaction, as someone who's played Portal for five minutes at a GameCrazy, and managed to die ninety times.
Disclaimer: You know, this should probably go away. This is a comedy encyclopedia - people come here to laugh. Very few people are going to actually do homework in order to understand an article. Besides, if you're going to assign homework, I suspect that reading the Wikipedia page on Portal would be more worthwhile than reading Portal (game), which already contains plenty of jokes that non-Portal players aren't going to get.
ASCII art: Well, it's pretty. I don't get it.
The lede/stuff at the beginning: Okay, so we start with "rezzing." Resurrecting? Is GLaDOS something that keeps dying? I'm lost. The cake is a lie: interesting, but I don't get it. I really don't get any of the boot-up sequence at all. The fact that the bootup sequence interrupts the article is sort of funny. I'm getting the sense that maybe GLaDOS is some kind of training module for the game that isn't helpful at all? Maybe?
Early use: Wow, I'm so lost. Now I'm guessing that Portal is a game about GLaDOS going crazy, and someone being sent to the arctic to subdue it? I see 2001 jokes and Matrix jokes, but without context, man, I just don't get them.
Role in the Portal Project: I can barely even read this anymore. I feel like I'm reading a textbook on advanced physics; my eyes are just glossing over even trying to make sense of how the words fit together. I did learn that your gun in Portal can possibly pick things up, which may explain why I kept dying.
Pop culture influence: I frankly don't know what any of this means. And I just don't get the cake joke.
Nope. I truly did not understand anything I just read.
The concept looks great: from what I can tell, something is being satirized very cleverly. I just don't know what, or how.
Prose and formatting:
I can tell these sentences are very carefully structured to get the most bang for the buck possible. I just don't know what the buck is, or how it's being banged. The interplay between GLaDOS and the article itself is also very clever, even though I don't understand it.
Maybe they're good? I don't understand why they're funny. They are kind of small, and placed in odd spots. And there are sections with a lot of unbroken text; a third picture might be in order.
Well, you wanted constructive criticism from a non-Portal player. I don't know how constructive this is, but: if you want this to reach a wider audience, make it understandable. But, you know what? I don't think I'd want it to reach a wider audience, if I were you. I think maybe we just have to accept that this is not a subject on which an article will ever be featured; I suspect that it's as good as it will ever be. So... congratulations on writing something that is apparently hilarious to those who get the joke; sadly, I'm not one of them.