Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fruity Loops
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Hi! I've written an article on my favourite music production software, FL Studio! It's probably asking too much to expect to find another lazy failed music producer on here who may understand the terminology better, but all the same I would love feedback/suggestions to help improve because I'm kinda stuck!
And also I'm unsure of the concept of my article...
Anyway, thanks in advance!
Ramahill 00:29, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
| This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.|
I think I'l do this. Maybe. Possibly.
I'll just have go, ok?--(CUN) 06:31, September 15, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||Hello there! You’ve probably left Uncyclopedia, never to return but I’m reviewing this anyway. Because I’m a good guy – and because I also want to win the Pee Week. Anyway. Let’s start, shall we? (Oh, and if you find a number of spelling mistakes in this, I'm sorry, I don't feel bothered at the moment to proofread my review!)
I’ll start with the biggest problem here. Anyone who had no idea what this ‘Game’ was would not find it funny. I found out by reading it straight away, then looking up this on Wikipedia and reading it again. I actually chuckled a few times the second read – you have some good ideas here!
What you’ve done is take a recording/editing music workshop, vaguely similar to GarageBand (which I use sometimes), and written about it as if it is a video game. And I’m not saying that’s bad – it’s great! Good ideas like that can go on to be featured articles if a good writer takes up the idea.
So the problem is that it’s not funny for someone who doesn’t know what this program is. That’s what happened with me – I read it without knowing and didn’t laugh once. So you need to tell or show the readers what this program is.
You could include a screenshot, maybe. Or have a short introduction saying ‘Fruity Loops is a digital audio workstation used for editing, mixing, recording, and mastering audio.’ And then have it crossed out, as you have done with numerous ‘FL Studio’s. Whatever you do, you have to try and let the reader know what this game is actually about before you hit hard with your jokes.
And talking about jokes, I come to my second problem. I find your article is all facts. Ok, considering the concept of your article (writing about something that it isn’t), then this not bad. But I find that this is the only humor you have – the main joke of how you have written your article. I think this joke is delivered in the introduction (and well, mind you). However, after that the concept just starts to get overdone. You don’t get any more laughs after that. It also gets a bit random, what with all the strange characters and weapons.
So, now I’m asking you to add some different types of humor in. Remember, this is parody. You can do whatever you want! Well, more or less. You can insult the subject, insult other subjects while you’re at it, relate things to other things (The ReWire is strong but impossible to find. Much like an electronic Osama bin Laden!) or you can play on the subject’s weaknesses and faults. If you put a bit of variety into your article, it will not only make it funnier but also keep the reader awake.
So, the basic humor here is actually good, but the fact that only people who know the subject will find it funny, puts down this score. So that’s why it’s low. If you fix that problem, however, this score will go up by miles!
|Concept:||5||You do have a wacky concept her, but there are still problems, as I have gone into in the humor section.
One thing I want to say here is that your article is very listy. I also reviewed your Barnet FC article a long time ago, and it was very listy as well. I’m not saying you should delete all the lists, but add some more content that isn’t a list. But form now on, try to stay away from too many lists. Even I am scolded (if you could say ‘scolded’) when I do too many lists in my REVIEWS. So there you go.
I just said it then, but I’ll say it again – there are few more different things you could say about this article. History? How was it made? Were there any past versions? What was the critical reception? I always recommend checking out Wikipedia articles, to get ideas for new sections. But remember, try and make everything in your article unique, and don’t go with the same joke all the time, or your article will get boring.
|Prose and formatting:||5||This doesn’t look bad, and I can’t see any major spelling or grammar mistakes. A few things though…
Links. You need a few more of them. And you should delete that red link, too. Red links don’t look horrible if there’s only one of them, but they still look a bit unprofessional.
I also think you could take some of the stuff from your intro and make new section from it, labeled ‘Gameplay’.
And that’s all, really!
|Images:||3||Obviously this score is low because you have one image. It is not funny. The only reason that this score is as high as it is, is because your image is an image, and it adds some looks to your article. But you still need some more! Images are very important in articles.
You could get screenshot pictures, the weapons, the designers and creators… brainstorm ideas! Check out the Image Request, where you can request photoshopped images. But most of all, have fun!
|Miscellaneous:||7||How funny your article would be if everyone in the world knew what this game was. Also, a kind of lift up because of the poor image score.|
|Final Score:||24||To reiterate, the biggest problem lies in the fact that it will be completely unfunny to anyone who doesn’t know what this program is. There are also other things here, and if you concentrate on fixing everything up, this will be a very solid article!
I hope I have helped here! See ya!
|Reviewer:||--(CUN) 23:49, September 15, 2010 (UTC)|