Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fruit Sallad

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Revision as of 16:47, January 15, 2009 by Tagstit (talk | contribs)

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edit Fruit Sallad

Here goes nothing - My first article. Maybe its just me but i've had a few friends read it and they liked it so i feel a bit proud. Of course there may be (and surely) are things that could be done differently and better so please pee ahead. Have no mercy.. if it sucks let me know and be honest. And if you like it let me know as well, my ego can take it. Cheers kit 09:39, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

I got this. --Tagstit 16:02, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5 Alright, I am a beginner myself, and even in the few days I have been here, I have noticed a common theme in noobs here. They start out with something random, like raisins or elephants, and say they are completely evil and Sparta has to rise up against them (they love 300 for some reason)! They end up with a pictureless one paragraphed piece of crap. I am very glad to see that you are not one of these people. If there was one problem with your article though, it as that it was a bit random. From what I can see, it is for two reasons. Not your concept, but the WAY you guide your concept, and a few parts which your article would be better without.

To be brief, I will just name a few which I found unfunny/out there/unneeded, but please don't take offense. The first is the part about the Swedish names. It just seemed WAY to random and avoiding that would be beneficial. The second is the French part. Both fall under the category Different versions, which has more potential then it achieves. Also, the history seems a bit random and rambly, but don't take that out, just fix it!

Now a few things I DID really like, was the In other contexts. I just found that very refreshing. I also liked the AA part. The second problem I found with the humour though, could be found in the concept though.

Concept: 4 The backbone of your article does seem a bit bent. To be honest, the entire topic ISN'T all that great, but it is workable. You don't guide your concept in the way to reach its max potential. It is talking about the game, and different variations. Now what you need to do, is completely shift your article in a direction so it has a mood, so to speak. For example, you could talk about how dumb the game may be or how great of a game it is throughout the article. Keep a theme so to speak. It will help to start the theme from the beginning too. By theme I mean, oh this game is fantastic! Or this game is stupid. Be more creative then that of course. The way you have it now merely describes a game. If you don't understand me just talk to me on my page.
Prose and formatting: 8 I was pleasantly surprised at how the style turned out. For a beginner, you really turned out an awesome article format wise. With that being said though. There are some problems I found. In fact, there are two main ones. The first can be found mainly in your different versions section. Remember the names of countries have to be capitlized "Sweden" not "sweden". The second is that your headers and bold titles should be capitilized too! Even words that don't begin the header. For example, "Different Versions" instead of "Different versions", and "More Recent" instead of "More recent." Besides that awesome job!
Images: 7 A solid four pictures. Well, the one with the dancing fat kid is overused and not funny anymore but besides that all help tell your story, so to speak. You should have a picture at the top of your article by your introduction though. You should also have pictures on the left side of your article as well, because as of now they are all on the right. If you just don't know how to do that, just ask on my talk page and I will be glad to help!
Miscellaneous: 7 Averaged plus a point for first time ;)
Final Score: 31 Well, an impressive start. Your concept could use a little work and maybe your next article will have a better concept behind it but don't give up on this one! A few fixes and you will have an impressive piece of work! Good luck!
Reviewer: --Tagstit 16:47, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
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