Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/French departments

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edit French departments

Olé --ShabiDOO 00:35, July 23, 2011 (UTC) :I'll do the honor of reviewing this.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 14:17, July 26, 2011 (UTC)

May take a little longer than I hope, but rest assure It'll be done.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 09:24, July 28, 2011 (UTC)
My computer is fucking up and it's messing up my review, so I'm afraid Im unable to do this. Sorry.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 07:26, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
I'll do it to clear it off the queue ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 09:12, September 19, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 5 Ehh, what you have to start is reasonable funny, (nut then again some of it isn't. Namely your introduction!) but I sense this article is not finished. It ends far to abruptly which just kills it in my opinion. It needs a proper conclusion to end the article in a way that's funny and appropriate to the context of it all. To highlight what I mean I'll do a section by section overview and tell you what I think needs to be done.

Introduction - Just outright stating the obvious isn't generally considered funny. You need something witty for that, a play on words or an intelligent way of mocking something. This statement is a big no no:

  • The one unifying feature of all of the Departments of France is that they are French citizens, they speak French, they use the Euro as a currency and they never forget to meet their afternoon lovers between lunch and dinner.

Too obvious to be funny. Links to articles like this: Cheese eating surrender monkeys. Are a good thing and try and add links similar to this to help out your humor for your intro. A good intro is needed to keep your reader interested, you should try and maintain a similar tone through out. A quote, an image and a couple of good paragraphs is what you need.

The Departments of Continental Europe - Yes some potential here. You have stated the facts and tried to manipulate them into a satirical sequence in order to amuse the reader. But I don't think its yet complete. You've simply blurted out some random facts. You need to expand on your facts in a funny way in order to being the humor of this section up. Do this please.

Flags - Some good satire here, but some outright lies here. The such 100 flags bit needs to go or be changed into something actually funny or your article shalt crumble by this point as by this point its clear its not going to get much better. Random stuff out, replace with funny satirical takes on facts, an image that's unique (see image section for more) in, links that add affect and humor in as well. In fact that's what you should do for each section.

St. Pierre et Miquelon - I like this bit. It's funny try to make your article like this section. Its absurd in parts without being too bad. So yeah follow the ideas of this bit.

Future of Departments - This needs to be a lot longer than 3 lines. It needs an image that's not the same as the others with a good caption as well as a funny and affective way of closing your article properly.

So yeah I hope this helps you for your quest for funny.

Concept: 5.5 Well like I mentioned before its a good start but its not finished, you need to make it end less suddenly and expand on your ideas. You concept is so undeveloped because you made it end so abruptly without going into enough detail about important things. When you do your re-write please add a lot of detail and work on a less sudden ending.

The concept you have at the moment is good, but the ideas need expanding in order to be of a high standard in my opinion.

Prose and formatting: 7 Alright the formatting is mixed a lot here, the images are formatted in in a good way that doesn't need a great deal of altering, except maybe the top one with thumb being added and captions being added to them.

But what you need are links, your article is total dead end and that's a one way ticket to a maintenance tag being added, which you don't want to have on your article. Please add a heap of links to improve the quality, once you have funny expanded this article. Did I mention links can sometimes be used to highlight important points and add humor?

You appear to know how to spell, something I can't get the hang of personally. That's good to see.

Images: 7.5 You have images which is good to see, however I'm a little considered that they are all too similar to be actually funny by the end of the article. Have you thought about offering you know, a bit of variety?

Also they need captions otherwise it looks really incomplete.

Miscellaneous: 6 Overall rating out of 10.
Final Score: 31 Yeah a good start me thinks, but there is still a long way to go, content and formatting wise. I look forward to reading this once you have it finished.
Reviewer: ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au
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