Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Frank West

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edit Frank West

So I've been writing a story for Mr. Frank West. So far I think it's coming along pretty well and I know I need to add more information. But I figured I would get pissed on before I write any further. It's almost complete. ;) PancakeMaster 04:02, July 4, 2010 (UTC)

This has been on for a while, so I'm going for it. --Some Idiot Image002 06:17, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 4.5 I'm not sure how to explain the humour in this article, because, frankly, there's not many laugh-out-loud moments. It's an article pretty much just recounting all of this photographers scandals. All I know is that he's a journalist, the main character in Dead Rising, and he gets trapped in a mall or something with zombies so forth. I've tried to read the article from that point of view.
  • Introduction: Needs to be improved. There is not much humor in it. Here's what I think you should do: shorten and slow down the bit about his latest scandal, and a sentence or two before that, that state that he is in constant trouble with scandals.
  • History of Success: Quite random, and not really that funny. Needs improvement, but I don't have much advice on this part, really. I think you should change this to 'Early Life' and describe his childhood as well, and cut down on what you already have. Talk about how he always used to annoyingly take pictures of everything, when he saw his first zombie movie (and he grabbed a wooden plank and started bashing the screen), how he used to interview his classmates, and how the first signs of women scandals became apparent. I think you could do a lot with his childhood, and incorporating this into the section you already have will make it much funnier.
  • Scandals: here is where it starts to get funnier.
    • That was Fantastic: Strange, in a word, but with a bit of potential. Maybe mention more about he met the woman? And maybe Iraq did find out! Explain what happened then...
    • He’s Covered Wars Y’know: The funniest bit in the whole article. Needs a funny one-liner at the end to make it betterest.
    • Sausage Pizza…Oh wait *Grumble*: Even weirder, as this paragraph in my mind is complete chaos. You talk through everything so fast I can't really understand everything well enough. Or maybe that's what makes it kind of funny. No. Just slow this bit down and it will be pretty good.
    • Dead Rising: Still was written really fast, but pretty good.
  • Things He Can Do With Excellence: One of the best parts in the article. Nothing needs to be changed here.
  • What Frank West is up to Now: Another good part. A few spelling and language mistakes, slow it down and be a bit clearer.

CONCLUSION: There is some good humor in here, it just gets lost in the language you use. You've written it so fast we have to read it very slowly to understand, and you rush through it all, giving us the impression you didn't re-read it, you did it in one go without checking what you had written. Slow down. be clear. Add a few commas and full stops. There are also some improvements you could make on the sections humor wise, as I've pointed out for each section.

Concept: 4.5 Strange and not overly amusing concept but I think you've done well to do all that you can with this guy, even if it is a bit random and rushed. However you COULD add more. Rack your brains - is there any way you could satire this guy, while thinking that he is from a video game?
Prose and formatting: 4.5 Pretty good looking article, no big glitches. I recommend you move all your lists to the bottom of the article because it's good for the flow of the text. Also, in the 2001 Scandal all the 'Pizzas' are links. Is this on purpose? Because it kind of hurts the text of the article, the same link - over and over again. The thing about links, is that they kind of give emphasis on a word, like italics do and BIG LETTERS. Therefore it is kind of annoying to read.

With the images, move the Umbrella one up so it is half way between the other two pictures on the right. The bottom picture where he is relaxing on the beach - move it to the left. This is just to make it look a bit better.

With you scandals, you have done ==Recorded Scandals== in two ='s, and then the scandals below are all the same, with two ='s surrounding them. Change the name of the scandals so there are THREE euqals signs. Example: == 1998 - (That was Fantastic): == becomes: === 1998 - (That was Fantastic): ===. This is what you're suppost to do and it makes it look better.

I talked about the prose in the humor section, so no need to go into that.

I know the last scandal is the main one, but there's no reason to make it bold, as it feels out of place. Also, kill the red links, they look ugly. I also recommend going through this article and fixing the grammatical and spelling mistakes, as there are a few, and they hurt the context of the article. Do it yourself or add the {{Proofread}} template to your page.

Images: 6 Some pretty good images here.
  • Image 1: Not much need to put that caption in, as it already says it on the picture itself. Maybe add a funny one-liner about how the blood got on his shirt?
  • Image 2: Pretty funny. Maybe add a funny one-liner about the mask after your original caption.
  • Image 3: Confused me at first until I clicked on it to see it bigger. Just enlarge it, as it is quite good, just too small to be seen properly.
  • Image 4: Pretty good but needs to be photoshopped better. A quick glance from a reader and it will be okay, but if they actually take the time to look at it they can see how crudely it's been cut out. And what is Mount Rushmore doing covered by water in the background? Could you make a funny caption for that, instead of what you've got already?
  • Concluding Comment: I think you could add another picture, maybe of a stuffed up photo that is all blurred and blood splattered, with the label - 'Frank West was taking this picture when a zombie jumped on him and stabbed him in the back, hence the blurred quality' - or something like that anyway. Overall the pictures were pretty good.
Miscellaneous: 5 Averaged your scores, and that is probably my overall grade of the article out of 10 already.
Final Score: 24.5 So, 24.5. That's .5 under half the highest score you could get, so just under average in my opinion. The randomness and rushed writing of this article hurts it, but with a few adjustments to the pictures, formatting and content this good be nice little article. I know a lot of these things I've said are a little mean, and I'm sorry if they sounded like that. All I'm trying to do here is help your article as best I can. Hope this helped.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 07:03, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
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